学会说“不”
原作者：
来源Learn to say NO
译者OhLaLaLouLou
This thing generally occurs during an evening when you do not want to go or after agreeing to perform an additional task and you are having trouble in doing so. The ability to say NO or to divest itself of a situation is very important for those who want to survive the hectic life today without suffering of at least one burn-out.
这种事情通常发生在你不想赴约的某个晚上，或者在答应完成一项额外的任务后却觉得很麻烦。在现如今这个忙碌的社会，想要不受折磨地生存下去，拒绝或者说放弃是非常重要的。
Ideally, we welcome demands from others because we really want to. But is this still the matter? Too often, we say yes to avoid offending others, not to displease them, to please them ... But when we're sick, we are at wit's end, we sometimes march our commitments and do feel guilty about it.
理论上我们是很欢迎别人提出需求的，因为我们真的是这么想的。但这仍然要紧吗？我们有太多时候答应了别人只是不想让他们觉得被冒犯了，我们并不是想让他们不高兴，而是想取悦他们。但是当我们病了的时候，我们的聪明才智也需要休息，于是我们有时无法完成承诺，并很有负罪感。
Say no, a real torture?
拒绝，真的是一种折磨吗？
How is that poor little two letter word nourish the conviction that we are hateful? Is your unfailing availability makes you procrastinating, makes you feel like a martyr? Accepting demands constantly may inundate us with other responsibilities that we could do without.
这两个小小的讨厌的字是如何滋养了我们痛恨的罪恶感？你的老好人态度有没有把你变得拖拖拉拉，让你觉得自己像个殉道者？不断地应允别人的要求会冲垮我们的人际关系，尽管我们可以避免。
Daring to say no is to affirm its existence and expose the true desires. For some, it is also the risk of not being loved. But on the contrary, this is clearly stating that they are most likely to be loved.
勇于说“不”，不仅是承认它的存在，还是表达真正想法。对于一些人来说，拒绝要冒着不被朋友喜爱的风险。但是如果情况正相反的话，这就清楚地表明他们是最有可能值得你去爱的人。
The belief that you lose your worth when you say no is a symptom of the desire to please others at all cost. This is because that we tend to set the bar too high and want everything to be perfect. It is not yet collapsing with the fatigue that we really make services to others.
认为拒绝会失去自己的价值是不惜代价取悦别人的表现。这是因为我们常常给自己制定一个过高的标准，事事追求完美。我们真的想要为别人服务，所幸这个价值观还没有因为精疲力竭而轰然倒塌。
Learn to say no
学会说“不”
Saying no is not in itself a very difficult task. It relates everything that is in our minds with this little word, which makes it so difficult to pronounce. Before you learn to say no, you must first identify the nature of the thoughts that accompany the word. You say yourself "If I say no, others will discredit me and not call me anymore" or "I always say yes so that others will like me?” If this is the case, it is likely that these thoughts are false and you make absolute die hard. To rectify this, a strategy is to ask yourself if your conclusions are realistic and that will make you to really use it. The mere awareness of your thoughts will excessively help you to be free.
说“不”并非难事。几乎所有我们所想都和这个小小的字眼有关，因而把它说出来就有些困难了。在说“不”之前，你必须确定自己的真实想法。你对自己说，“如果我拒绝了，会失信于他人，他们也不会再叫我帮忙了。”或者“如果我一直答应，他们会不会喜欢我？”倘若是这种情形，很有可能这些想法是错误的，你也很难改掉。一种改正的策略是扪心自问如果你做出现实的结论你就会真正去实现它。你头脑中不多的清醒会大大地帮助你解脱。
To help, you can also focus more on what you have already begun to do. This will give you another reason not to deviate from your plans and avoid getting lost and tired.
你还可以把注意力放在你已经开始做的事情上。于是你就更加有理由忙自己的计划，免于迷失和劳累。
Moreover, when someone asks you something, make sure that you have understood the request before responding. If you say yes to a request for more demanding than expected, you will haunt yourself... And you can also wait a bit before acquiescing. If you are doubtful about if you can say yes for now, it will always be time to invest later.此外，如果有人找你帮忙，在回应之前确保自己已经理解了它。如果你答应了一个比预期中麻烦得多的请求，你会手忙脚乱。你还可以在答复之前稍稍等一等。如果对此刻能否答应别人抱有怀疑，不妨晚一点再说。
In total, dare to say no, it is learned. It is always possible to break the vicious circle of fear and guilt. Because it seems that it is not always hard to say it first.
总而言之，勇敢地说出“不”，是需要习得的。总是有可能去打破恐惧和负罪的错误怪圈，因为先说出口看起来并不总是很难。
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