与人相处的四把钥匙

原作者：
来源The four key of extraordinary relationships
译者IntD

Our relationships with others help to improve our life experience. Good relations reduce stress and help us to know us better. But what is a relationship? A relationship is a place where we give first, not a place where we take. We decided to share with you four keys that allow you to live extraordinary relationships. Here they are!

我们与他人的关系会帮助我们增加生活阅历。好的人际关系能减轻生活压力，更能帮助我们更好地了解自己。但是什么才是人际关系呢？人际关系是一个我们先需要付出的平台，而不是索取。我们决定与你分享处理好人际关系的四把关键钥匙。全都在这里了。

First key: Respect

第一把钥匙：尊重

The need to be respected and recognized is fundamental in all our relationships. If you do not understand or respect the needs, interests and values of others, you do not express them respect. This causes disputes and poorer relationships. Without respect, our relations are doomed to remain superficial and unsatisfactory. If you accept others and generally you do not try to change them, they will not feel judged and respect you for sure!

在所有的人际关系中，被人尊重和认可的渴求都是最最基本的。如果你不能理解和尊重别人的这种渴求，兴趣与价值的话，你就无法做到尊重他人。这就会导致怀疑和互相之间较差的关系。没有互相尊重，这种人际关系注定是留于表面的，肤浅的而且是不能让人感到满足的。如果你接受他人，并且总的来说并不想去改变他们，他们不会感到被人评头论足，也一定会尊重你。

Second key: Trust

第二把钥匙：信任

What is the relationship without trust? In relationships, trust allows others to know we are here, with them, for good reasons. Trust stems from respect and allows others to feel completely themselves with us. It is also in trust that intimacy can be healthy. This intimacy allows us to deepen our relations, to know others beyond weather conversations. Is this not the definition of a meaningful relationship?

没有信任的人际关系会是怎么样的？人与人之间相处，信任能够让别人了解到我们就在这里，就在他们的身边陪伴着他们。信任是建立在相互尊重的基础上，并且让他人感觉到我们完完全全地就在他们身边。如此这样，亲密感也会增加，而这又会进一步加深我们之间的友谊，而并不是只有简简单单的有关天气的交流。这难道不是有意义的人际关系的定义吗？

Third key: Sharing

第三把钥匙：分享

The quality of our relations depends on the quality of what we share with others. But in our consumer world, we are sometimes inclined to monetize our relationships: "I will do this only if you do that to me.” This attitude fosters conflict because each begins to recognize what he does for others if there must always a return of the favor. This attitude brings forth the question of comparison. Instead, the extraordinary relationships are asking us to give without expecting anything in return. This is what gives rise to a virtuous cycle of reciprocity. If I give freely without expectation of return, others will give me freely as well. The calculation is then replaced by the gift of self, which in turn inspires support from others. Sharing based and lasting relationships fosters respect, trust and deep commitment.

人与人之间相处的质量取决于我们互相之间分享的东西。但是在这样一个商品经济世界中，我们有的时候会倾向于一种类似等价金钱交易的方式来看待我们的关系：“如果你对我这么做了，那我也会对你这样的。”这种态度我引起冲突，因为大家都觉得我们的付出应该换来等价交换。这种态度会也带来了一个有趣的类比。相反的，良好的人际关系就会要求我们不求回报的付出，这回引起一个高尚的互惠互利的云焕。如果我不求回报地为他人付出，那么其他人也会这么做。这样的话，金钱的计算就会变成友谊本身，而且互相之间的支持也越来越多。建立在互相信任的长时间的关系能够加强尊重，信任和更深层次的诺言。

Fourth key: Compromise

第四把钥匙：妥协

There are always differences between the interests and the ways to see life. Every relationship requires that we set aside a portion of our priorities to open ourselves to what others think and want. For example, when a conflict arises between two people who have a strong character, none of them does not bend to give "reason" to another. This attitude, based on pride, ensures that relations will deteriorate, because aggression destroys communication and understanding. If we think only about ourselves, no compromise is possible. Thus, to live extraordinary relationships, there must be compromise.

在一些事情的看法和利益问题上，人与人之间总是会有不同的看法。而在这其中我们所需要做的就是将我们自己的最优利益放到一边，而让自己去接受其他人的想法。举个例子来说，如果两个人都很要强，而他们之间又出现了一些争执，那么它们绝对不会给对方让步的。这样的态度，每个人都有的骄傲，只会使互相之间的关系恶化，因为侵略性只会使破坏交流和理解。如果我们只想着自己，就不可能妥协。因此，如果想要良好的人际关系，就一定要学会妥协。

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