我为什么再不用脸书（Facebook）

译者 ediver

Perhaps I'm simply too old (and bitter) to fully appreciate all that Facebook has to offer, but I've come to realize what a load of codswollop the social networking site really is.

作者：马克·斯高尼克（Marc Skulnick）

或许我太老了，人也变得有些尖刻，所以不能充分欣赏脸书的价值，不过我越来越发现，这个社交网站实在是废话连篇。

It would seem I'm not alone, either. Maclean's recently reported that more than 1.5 million Canadians had deactivated their Facebook accounts earlier this summer. Having said that, I'm hardly a "Billy no-mates" when it comes my gaggle of Facebook friends (I've been hovering around 300 for the past year or so), but apart from my inner sanctum of devout "commentators," it's all become a bit lacklustre and I'm increasingly jaded when it comes to what I like to call "FakeBook."

好象不止我一个人有这样的想法。麦克莱恩最近报道说，今年夏初有一百五十多万加拿大人停止使用脸书帐户。你不要以为我的脸书朋友圈里缺朋少友（过去一年多来，我的朋友数量一直保持在300上下），但是除了密室里那些虔诚的“评论员”外，多数都是死气沉沉，我也越来越腻味这个被我称之为“假书”（FakeBook）的网站。

Perhaps, after bringing the mundane to the masses, it's simply a case of too much information. Not only has the curtain been pulled back, but we get to see what the wizard is doing. Every. Hour. Of. The. Day.

或许，在将日常千篇一律的生活公诸于众后，信息有些过滥了。不只帷幕已被拉开，而且我们还能看清楚巫士都在做些什么——每一天当中的每一个小时。

Do we really need to see 376 photos of "Georgia's Dirty 30 Party," filled with enough drunken duck-faced divas to last a life time? Or do we really want to know that "(you) just cleaned the grout in the shower and now it's time for a sleepy sleep!" Or that "(you're) burning the steaks on the BBQ, LOL!" Perhaps they wouldn't be burning if you were actually in front of the barbecue, instead of telling your Facebook friends about it? My personal favourites are the status updates that involve obscure song lyrics/inspirational quotes/ words of wisdom/statements of ambiguous vagueness. Is that pithy quote from a long-dead Norwegian philosopher a cry for help? Are you feeling introspective and thoughtful and need a hug? Or are you simply really good at 'cutting and pasting' from www.inspirationalsonglyricsandquotes.com?

我们真的需要看376张“乔治亚30岁生日派对”上的照片吗？那上面尽是喝得醉醺醺的女主角嘟着嘴的模样，多到你一辈子也看不完。我们真的需要知道你“刚刚清洗了淋浴间的瓷砖缝儿，现在要去美美地睡上一觉”吗？又或者你“刚烤焦了牛排，此时正咧着嘴大笑”？如果你不是忙着在脸书上告诉你的朋友，而是站在烤肉架前，你的牛排也许就不会烧焦了？我个人最喜欢的是那些引用隐晦歌词、励志名言、智慧话语或者模棱不知所云的状态更新。请问，你援引那位去世已久的挪威哲学家的精辟言论是在向人求救吗？亦或你是在深刻反省，思绪万千，需要别人给你个拥抱吗？又或者你只是很擅长于从www.inspirationalsonglyricsandquotes.com网站进行“剪贴”？

I used to worry about offending someone if I turned down their friend request, even if I had no clue as to who they were, or how I knew them (I've always had an overwhelming need to please everyone). Case in point: I bumped into a close friend recently, and was introduced to their co-worker, who we'll call "Tom." My social interaction with Tom consisted of five words: "Hey, nice to meet you" and a handshake.

过去我收到别人请求加为好友的通知时，总是担心拒绝会冒犯他们，虽然有时我完全不知道他们是谁，也不知道我认不认识他们（我一向渴望让每个人都高兴）。例如，我最近撞到一位好朋友，他介绍了一位同事给我，咱们姑且称他作“汤姆”。我跟汤姆的社交对话仅限于几个字：“嗨，很高兴认识你。”外加一个握手。

Apparently Tom mistook our brief encounter as the start of a beautiful friendship and upon returning to work, immediately sent off a "friend request." Dude, seriously? I'm probably never going to see you again in my life, but apparently that was enough for Tom. "Ignore!" Does this make me a bad person? I know some people "collect" Facebook friends as some sort of popularity status symbol, but what's the point really? Not to sound cynical or harsh, but if we stopped hanging out in grade nine, there was probably a reason why. After reconnecting with hundreds of friends on Facebook, I've promised, and been promised, more beers on more patios than probably exist in Hamilton and Toronto combined! I don't have enough time to see my "real life" friends, let alone get together with somebody I went to junior kindergarten with!

显然，汤姆把我们的短暂相遇误会成了一段美丽友谊的开始，他一回到办公室，就发来“好友邀请”。伙计，你不是当真的吧？我这辈子可能再不会遇到你，可是显然，这对于汤姆来说已经足够了。“忽略！”这是不是让我成了坏人？我知道有些人“收集”脸书朋友，好象这是受欢迎程度的标志，可是这又有什么意义呢？我不是愤世嫉俗，也不想说过于刺耳的话，可是如果我们在九年级时就停止了往来，那一定是有原由的。在脸书上跟数百个朋友联系上以后，我承诺过的露台啤酒聚会加上已经收到过的同样的承诺，大概已经超过了汉密尔顿和多伦多所有露台加在一起的总合！我连“真实生活”中的朋友都见不过来，哪有时间去跟幼儿园的同伴相会呢？

Same goes for group requests. No, I don't really want to become a "fan" of your cousin's tanning salon in Dubuque or your friend's limousine company in Niagara Falls, or join a group dedicated to an obscure '80s British New Romantic band that nobody has heard of. (Actually, I take that back. I belong to quite a few of those Facebook groups, and have even started a few myself. Hey, do you want to join my Culture Club group? Please? So maybe that's not really a good example, but you get my point!)

同样的还有小组邀请。对不起，我真的不想成为你表妹位于迪比克的晒黑皮肤沙龙或者你朋友在尼亚加拉瀑布开的汽车公司的“粉丝”，也不想加入什么莫名其妙的没人听说过的英国八十年代新浪漫主义乐队小组。（事实上，我要收回这句话。我加入过好几个这样的脸书小组，甚至还发起过几个。嘿，你要不要加入我的文化俱乐部小组？请你加入好不好？所以，上面的例子可能并不太合适，不过相信你已经明白我的意思！）

And if you're thinking, "Well, if Facebook bores you that much, don't use it," believe me, I've tried. I "deactivated" my account, only to have them arbitrarily reactivate it a couple of months later. Of course, by then, you're curious to see what everyone has been up to, and log on, ostensibly to have a quick nose about. And that's when you realize, everything is pretty much the same, your friends are still "cleaning grout," "burning steaks, LOL," "knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door" and think that "life is a voyage that's homeward bound (Herman Melville)." Oh Facebook.

也许你在想：“如果脸书让你这么无聊，别用好了。”请相信我，我试过。我“停止了”我的帐户的使用，结果他们在几个月后又随意激活了我的帐户。结果呢，那时你也许会好奇大家都在做什么，于是又再登录，想要很快地四下看一眼就好。那时你会发现，一切都是老样子，你的朋友们依旧在“清洁瓷砖缝儿”、“大笑着烤焦牛排”、“敲，敲，敲打天堂的大门”，或者想着“生活就是回家的旅程（摘自Herman Melville）”。天呀，脸书！