爱与爱情

原作者：
来源Love and Romance
译者茕茕浪迹

We've all experienced love. We've loved (and been loved by) parents, brothers, sisters, friends, even pets. But romantic love is different. It's an intense, new feeling unlike any of these other ways of loving.

     我们都尝过爱的滋味。我们爱自己的父母、兄弟、姐妹、朋友甚至宠物，也得到了他们的爱。但是爱情与此不同。这是一种强烈而全新的情感，与其他的爱大不相同。

Why Do We Fall in Love?

我们为什会坠入爱河？

Loving and being loved adds richness to our lives. When people feel close to others they are happier and even healthier. Love helps us feel important, understood, and secure.

    爱与被爱，都会让我们的生命更加丰富多彩。与他人变得亲近，会使我们更加快乐甚至更为健康。爱让我们觉得自己非常重要、被人理解并拥有安全感。

But each kind of love has its own distinctive feel. The kind of love we feel for a parent is different from our love for a baby brother or best friend. And the kind of love we feel in romantic relationships is its own unique type of love.

    但每一种爱都给予我们独特的感受。对父母的爱，就不同于对小弟弟或朋友的爱。在恋爱中我们体会到的，又是一种独特的爱。

Our ability to feel romantic love develops during adolescence. Teens all over the world notice passionate feelings of attraction. Even in cultures where people are not allowed to act on or express these feelings, they're still there. It's a natural part of growing up to develop romantic feelings and sexual attractions to others. These new feelings can be exciting — or even confusing at first.

    青春期里，我们对爱情的感知能力与日俱增。十几岁的孩子意识到自己开始被异性吸引，世界各地皆是如此。即使在有些国家，他们不被允许做出回应或表达这种感受，吸引力依然存在。对异性产生好感或性吸引力，是成长中很自然的一部分。这些新的感受让人兴奋——也许在开始时还会有些困惑。

The Magical Ingredients of Love Relationships

爱情的神奇成分

Love is such a powerful human emotion that experts are constantly studying it. They've discovered that love has three main qualities:

    爱情是人类一种十分强烈的情感，引得专家持续研究。他们发现，爱情有三大要素：

Attraction is the "chemistry" part of love. It's all about the physical — even sexual — interest that two people have in each other. Attraction is responsible for the desire we feel to kiss and hold the object of our affection. Attraction is also what's behind the flushed, nervous-but-excited way we feel when that person is near.

    吸引是爱情的“化学”成分。异性对彼此身体甚至性的兴趣都来源于此。我们想要亲吻或拥抱爱人，也是因为彼此吸引。当爱人走近时，我们会脸红、紧张而又兴奋，也是吸引在作祟。

Closeness is the bond that develops when we share thoughts and feelings that we don't share with anyone else. When you have this feeling of closeness with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you feel supported, cared for, understood, and accepted for who you are. Trust is a big part of this.

    我们与爱人交流那些不轻易与人分享的思想和感情时，亲密感便产生了。当你与男(女)朋友在一起有亲密感时，你会感到被人鼓励着、关心着，有人理解，有人接受你本来的样子。信任是亲密感的主要部分。

Commitment is the promise or decision to stick by the other person through the ups and downs of the relationship.

    充满波折的感情生活中，坚守彼此的约定或者决定，称之为承诺。

These three qualities of love can be combined in different ways to make different kinds of relationships. For example, closeness without attraction is the kind of love we feel for best friends. We share secrets and personal stuff with them, we support them, and they stand by us. But we are not romantically interested in them.

    爱情的这三个要素两两组合，就构成了其他关系。例如，亲密但并不彼此吸引，是对朋友的爱。朋友间分享秘密和其他的个人琐事，彼此鼓励，相互支持，但不会产生浪漫的感觉。

Attraction without closeness is more like a crush or infatuation. You're attracted to someone physically but don't know the person well enough yet to feel the closeness that comes from sharing personal experiences and feelings.

    彼此吸引但没有亲密感，是迷恋。你在身体上被异性吸引，但你并不了解对方，也就没有分享彼此的经历和感受才能产生的亲密感。

Romantic love is when attraction and closeness are combined. Lots of relationships grow out of an initial attraction (a crush or "love at first sight") and develop into closeness. It's also possible for a friendship to move from closeness into attraction as two people realize their relationship is more than "just like" and they have become interested in one another in a romantic way.

    彼此吸引与亲近感结合，就产生了爱情。很多恋爱关系产生于彼此吸引(迷恋或是一见钟情)，随着感情发展而日渐亲近。朋友间日久生情也是可能存在的：两人意识到彼此的关系不仅仅是“喜欢”，由亲近而相互吸引、彼此相爱。

For people falling in love for the first time, it can be hard to tell the difference between the intense, new feelings of physical attraction and the deeper closeness that goes with being in love.

    对于第一次坠入爱河的人，很难区分彼此的感情是身体上的吸引还是更深一层的亲近。

Lasting Love or Fun Fling?

永恒之爱还是一时纵情？

The third ingredient in a love relationship, commitment, is about wanting and deciding to stay together as a couple in the future — despite any changes and challenges that life brings.

    爱的第三个要素——承诺，是你想与爱人今后彼此相伴，共同面对生活中的种种变化与挑战。

Sometimes couples who fall in love in high school develop committed relationships that last. Many relationships don't last, though. But it's not because teens aren't capable of deep loving.

    有些情侣在中学时就确定恋爱关系，彼此忠诚，日久天长。有些感情则没能得以持续，但这不是因为青少年没有能力深爱。

We typically have shorter relationships as teens because adolescence is a time when we instinctively seek lots of different experiences and try out different things. It's all part of discovering who we are, what we value, and what we want out of life.

    青少年时期，我们的爱情往往短暂，因为青春期追求不同的经历、尝试不同的东西是我们的天性。这是我们发现自我、稳定价值观、懂得自己想要什么的过程。

Another reason we tend to have shorter relationships in our teens is because the things we want to get out of a romantic relationship change as we get a little older. In our teens — especially for guys — relationships are mainly about physical attraction. But by the time guys reach 20 or so, they rate a person's inner qualities as most important. Teen girls emphasize closeness as most important — although they don't mind if a potential love interest is cute too!

    另一个原因是，随着我们成大，我们期待从爱情中得到的东西也在变化。青少年时期——特别是对男孩子而言——爱情主要在于身体上的吸引。但到20岁左右，男孩子们就会更注重对方的内在品质。十几岁的女孩子则认为亲近更重要——当然她们不会介意恋人再帅一点！

In our teens, relationships are mostly about having fun. Dating can seem like a great way to have someone to go places with and do things with. Dating can also be a way to fit in. If our friends are all dating someone, we might put pressure on ourselves to find a boyfriend or girlfriend too.

    十几岁的年纪，恋爱多数是为了开心。有个男(女)朋友，你去各种地方、做各种事情都会有人陪伴。约会还能让我们更好地融入朋友圈子。如果朋友们都在恋爱，我们也许会有压力，想尽快找个男(女)朋友。

For some people dating is even a status thing. It can almost seem like another version of cliques: The pressure to go out with the "right" person in the "right" group can make dating a lot less fun than it should be — and not so much about love!

    对有些人来说，约会甚至是一种身份的象征，可以看做朋友圈子的另一个版本。与“对”的人一起出现在“对”的圈子里，这种压力让约会少了许多应有的乐趣——也不再与爱有关！

In our late teens, though, relationships are less about going out to have fun and fitting in. Closeness, sharing, and confiding become more important to both guys and girls. By the time they reach their twenties, most girls and guys value support, closeness, and communication, as well as passion. This is the time when people start thinking about finding someone they can commit to in the long run — a love that will last.

        十八、九岁的时候，我们恋爱不再只是为了开心和融入朋友圈子。彼此亲近、分享秘密，对于男孩女孩都变得十分重要。到二十多岁，多数的人都会觉得彼此支持、有亲密感和相互交流是与激情同样重要的。这时，人们开始考虑寻找长期的伴侣——永恒的爱。

What Makes a Good Relationship?

如何维护爱情？

When people first experience falling in love, it often starts as attraction. Sexual feelings can also be a part of this attraction. People at this stage might daydream about a crush or a new BF or GF. They may doodle the person's name or think of their special someone while a particular song is playing.

    初恋往往是因为彼此吸引，包括性的吸引。在这一阶段，人们会幻想着爱上一个人，或是有一个新的男(女)朋友。听到某一首歌，他们也许就会不经意的写下这个人的名字或是想起他们。

It sure feels like love. But it's not love yet. It hasn't had time to grow into emotional closeness that's needed for love. Because feelings of attraction and sexual interest are new, and they're directed at a person we want a relationship with, it's not surprising we confuse attraction with love. It's all so intense, exciting, and hard to sort out.

    这种感觉跟爱情很像，但它不是爱情。假以时日，它才能具备爱情所需的亲密感。青少年从未体验过异性间的相互吸引，况且这又是源于我们希望交往的对象，所以将它与爱情混淆，一点都不奇怪。这两种感情都是强烈而令人兴奋的，难以区分。

The crazy intensity of the passion and attraction phase fades a bit after a while. Like putting all our energy into winning a race, this kind of passion is exhilarating but far too extreme to keep going forever. If a relationship is destined to last, this is where closeness enters the picture. The early passionate intensity may fade, but a deep affectionate attachment takes its place.

    时间一长，强烈的激情与吸引就会有所消退。就像我们竭尽全力赢得一场赛跑，这种激情令人兴奋，但却难以持久。如果这份感情要延续下去，紧密感将会产生。最初的激情也许会消退，但更深层的爱慕将取而代之。

Some of the ways people grow close are:

    人们产生亲密感的方式有：

Learning to give and receive. A healthy relationship is about both people, not how much one person can get from (or give to) the other.

    有付出，有得到。良好的关系需要两个人共同维护，而不是一个人无尽的索取或者付出。

Revealing feelings. A supportive, caring relationship allows people to reveal details about themselves — their likes and dislikes, dreams and worries, proud moments, disappointments, fears, and weaknesses.

    表达自己的感受。相互支持、关心的感情，允许你表达自己的一切——喜欢什么、讨厌什么，你的梦想与忧虑，你自豪的事情，你的失望、恐惧和弱点。

Listening and supporting. When two people care, they offer support when the other person is feeling vulnerable or afraid. They don't put down or insult their partner, even when they disagree.

    倾听与鼓励。如果两个人相互关心，当对方感到脆弱或害怕时，他们会给予支持。相爱的人从不会贬低或是侮辱对方，即使争吵时也不例外。

Giving, receiving, revealing, and supporting is a back-and-forth process: One person shares a detail, then the other person shares something, then the first person feels safe enough to share a little more. In this way, the relationship gradually builds into a place of openness, trust, and support where each partner knows that the other will be there when times are tough. Both feel liked and accepted for who they are.

    给予、收获、随心所欲地表达、相互扶持是一个往复的过程：说说自己的情况，对方也会有所分享，这样前一个人会有安全感，分享更多的东西。长此以往，在这份感情中双方坦诚以对、彼此信任、相互支持，他们知道，遇到困难时对方一定会陪伴左右。他们彼此喜爱和接受对方本来的样子。

The passion and attraction the couple felt early on in the relationship isn't lost. It's just different. In healthy, long-term relationships, couples often find that intense passion comes and goes at different times. But the closeness is always there.

    情侣们最初感到的激情和吸引并未消失，只是变得不一样了。在良好而持久的关系中，情侣们发现激情时而出现、时而消退，但亲密感一直存在。

Sometimes, though, a couple loses the closeness. For adults, relationships can sometimes turn into what experts call "empty love." This means that the closeness and attraction they once felt is gone, and they stay together only out of commitment. This is not usually a problem for teens, but there are other reasons why relationships end.

    但有时，情侣们也会失去亲密感。对于成人，夫妻关系有时会进入专家所谓的“空洞的爱”这一状态。这意味着曾经的亲密感和吸引力都不复存在，他们仅仅是因为承诺而在一起。这种问题在青少年中中通常不存在，但还有其他的原因会导致分手。

Why Do Relationships End?

    我们为什么会分手？

Love is delicate. It needs to be cared for and nurtured if it is to last through time. Just like friendships, relationships can fail if they are not given enough time and attention. This is one reason why some couples might not last — perhaps someone is so busy with school, extracurriculars, and work that he or she has less time for a relationship. Or maybe a relationship ends when people graduate and go to separate colleges or take different career paths.

    爱情是脆弱的，要想长久，需要关爱与维护。就像友情一样，如果不付出足够的时间与精力，爱情也会渐渐消失。这是一些情侣分手的原因——或许一方忙于学业、课外活动和工作，而没有为爱情留下足够的时间。有时，毕业后，两个人去了不同的学校或是选择了不同的职业道路，一份爱情也会随之结束。

For some teens, a couple may grow apart because the things that are important to them change as they mature. Or maybe each person wants different things out of the relationship. Sometimes both people realize the relationship has reached its end; sometimes one person feels this way when the other does not.

    对有些青少年来说，分手是因为长大后重视的东西变了，或者是希望从爱情中得到别的东西。有时，两个人都觉得一份感情该结束了；但有时，这只是一个人的想法，而对方并不这么认为。

Moving On

    挥别旧爱，继续前行

Losing love can be painful for anyone. But if it's your first real love and the relationship ends before you want it to, feelings of loss can seem overwhelming. Like the feelings of passion early in the relationship, the newness and rawness of grief and loss can be intense — and devastating. There's a reason why they call it a broken heart.

    失去爱，对任何人来说都是痛苦的。而如果这是你第一份真正的爱情，在你不希望结束的时候，对方提出了分手，失恋的痛苦将难以承受。就像恋爱之初的激情一样，未曾经历的失恋的痛苦也是强烈的——甚至是悲痛欲绝。这也是为什么人们常说心碎了。

When a relationship ends, people really need support. Losing a first love isn't something we've been emotionally prepared to cope with. It can help to have close friends and family members to lean on. Unfortunately, lots of people — often adults — expect younger people to bounce back and "just get over it." If your heart is broken, find someone you can talk to who really understands the pain you're going through.

    失恋时，人们的确需要安慰。初恋分手，我们常常还没有准备好如何处理。向最亲密的朋友或是家人寻求安慰会有所帮助。不幸的是，很多人——特别是大人们——会希望你只是“忘记痛苦”、恢复如初。所以如果你真的伤心了，一定找个能理解你现在心情的人倾诉。

It seems hard to believe when you're brokenhearted that you can ever feel better. But gradually these feelings grow less intense. Eventually, people move on to other relationships and experiences.

    当你悲痛欲绝时，你会认为自己再也无法摆脱这种痛苦，但渐渐地，这种感觉会淡化。最终，人们会开始新的感情。

Relationships — whether they last 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years, or a lifetime — are all opportunities to experience love on its many different levels. We learn both how to love and how to be loved in return.

    恋爱——不管是2周、2个月、2年还是持续一生——都是我们体验不同程度的爱的机会。我们学会爱别人，也学会如何接受别人回馈的爱。

Romance provides us with a chance to discover our own selves as we share with someone new. We learn the things we love about ourselves, the things we'd like to change, and the qualities and values we look for in a partner.

    浪漫的爱情让我们在与别人分享时，也认识了自己。我们发现了喜欢自己什么，又有哪些地方需要改变，也知道了自己在另一半的身上寻找什么样的品质和价值观。

Loving relationships teach us self-respect as well as respect for others. Love is one of the most fulfilling things we can have in our lives. If romance hasn't found you yet, don't worry — there's plenty of time. And the right person is worth the wait.

    爱情教会我们尊重自己也尊重他人。生活中，我们通过很多东西充实完善自我，爱情就是其中之一。如果爱情还没有降临，别着急——时间还很充足。合适的人，值得你去等待。

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