The World’s Funniest Real Ads
现实世界中最搞笑的广告
Believe it or not, these ads actually found their way into newspapers all over the world:
信不信由你，下面这些广告确实以其独特的方式进了全球各大报纸的专栏。
Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.
出售盲人字典。必须用看的方式才可欣赏！
FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
某所有者出售：大英百科全书全套，共45卷。八九成新，售价1,000美元，也可议价。暂时不需要。本人于上周末结婚，妻子精通百科。
Help wanted, singer for rock band. Must be female or male.
急聘：摇滚乐队歌手一名。必须是男的或女的。
For sale, Hope Chest, brand new, half off, long story.
出售：嫁妆箱一个，全新，五折出售，里面有说不完的故事。
Help wanted, adult or mature teenager to baby-sit. One dollar an hour.
急聘：临时保姆一名，成年人或成熟青少年均可。每小时一美元。
Lost: small brown poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
寻物启事：寻棕色小狮子狗。找到之后必有重谢。小狗绝育，就像我们家的一份子。
For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.
出售：高脚椅子一把，中间缝有棉垫儿，可改为餐桌、座便器、摇摆木马、冰柜、春装外套（8号带毛领）。
Four-posted bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
四腿儿床一张，床龄101岁。古董收藏爱好者的首选。
Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.
招聘：快餐店冷饮专柜聘兼职已婚女子。
Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
炸药厂招男士一名。须愿意经常出差。
Christmas sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to- find person.
圣诞节大拍卖：手工礼品，专为稀客准备。
Wanted, man to take care of cows that does not smoke or drink.
急聘：招母牛饲养员一名，男，不抽烟不喝酒。
Three-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
幼儿园招聘具备3年幼儿教学经验的（英文是Three-year old）教师一名.有经验者优先考虑。
Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
招聘：单亲母亲带多个学龄儿童，需保姆一名，负责日常家务。保姆须有能力为家庭发展做出贡献。
Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 -- $9 per hour.
您是否厌倦了每小时仅赚9.75美元的工作？我们为您提供利润分成的弹性工作制。起薪：7-9美元/小时
Our sofa seats the whole mob and it’s made of 100% Italian leather.
我们的沙发可坐形形色色的人，是100%的意大利皮具。
Full sized mattress. 20 year warranty. Like New. Slight urine smell.
足尺床垫，20年保修。至今宛如新生。略有尿味儿。
Nordic Track $300 hardly used, call Chubby.
北欧轮胎，售价300美元，丰满如新。
Joining nudist colony! Must sell washer and dryer $300.
加入裸体主义群体吧！洗衣机、烘干机均售300美元。
Open house body shapers toning salon free coffee and donuts
开放参观日： 女士紧身裤、梳妆台、免费咖啡、甜甜圈儿。
Found: dirty white dog. Looks like a rat... been out while. Better be reward.
寻物启事：寻外相较脏的白狗一条。相貌酷似老鼠……转眼丢失。找到后必有重谢。
Exercise equipment: Queen Size Mattress & Box Springs - $175.
出售健身器材：大号气垫&拳击手套---一口价175美元
ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER.
老年痴呆康复中心，让痴呆病人留下难忘的记忆。
Free Yorkshire Terrier: 8 years old. Hateful little dog.
免费领取约克郡犬：8岁。小狗，面目可憎。
Free puppies: ½ cocker spaniel, ½ sneaky neighbor’s dog.
免费领取幼犬：1/2的英国曲卡犬血统，1/2的邻家赖狗血统。
Free puppies: part German Shepherd, part stupid dog.
免费领取幼犬：一半德国牧羊犬血统，一半笨狗血统。
German Shepherd, 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free.
德国牧羊犬，体重85磅，已绝育，说德国话。免费。
Snow Blower for sale…only used on snowy days.
出售清雪机……仅能在雪天使用。
Bill’s Septic Cleaning: “We Haul American-Made Products."
比尔家的废品处理店：“我们托收美国造的产品。”
Cows, calves never bred…also 1 gay bull for sale.
出售未曾下崽的母牛……与同性恋公牛各一头。
Nice Parachute – Never opened. Used once.
精美降落伞一个----未曾打开过。只用了一次。
Hummels – Largest selection ever. "If it’s in stock, then we have it!"
赫梅尔运动服---今日货源充足。“假如有存货，我们就会拥有它。”
1 man, 7 women hot tub. $850/offer.
可容纳1个男人和7个女人沐浴的热水浴缸，仅售850美元。
Shakespeare’s Pizza. Free chopsticks.
莎翁比萨饼，免费提供筷子。
Harrisburg Postal Employee Gun Club.
哈里斯堡邮局员工的射击俱乐部
Tickle-Me-Elmo, still in box, comes with its own 1988 Ford Mustang, 5L, Auto, Excellent condition $6800.
全新智能埃尔莫娃娃一个，与状况良好的1988年生产福特野马汽车一起出售，仅售6800美元。
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