如何不去担心别人的想法

原作者：
来源How to Stop Worrying What Other People Think
译者steph

How to Stop Worrying What Other People Think

Written by Ali Luke - 18 Comments

如何不去担心别人的想法

Categories: self improvement

方法：自我提升

Have you ever changed your mind, backed out of something or even given up on a dream … because you were afraid of what someone else might think of you?

你是否因为担心别人的看法而改变主意，或者迟疑甚至放弃自己的梦想？

I’m betting that you’re a kind, thoughtful person. You want to make the people around you happy, and – naturally enough – you want them to think well of you.

我肯定你是一个善解人意的人。你希望周边的人快乐，因而自然的，你希望他们对你抱有好感。

There’s nothing wrong with that: it’s part of emotional intelligence, and it’s a good thing.

这种想法没有错，它是具有情商的表现，是件好事。

But it can go too far.

但是它也可能物极必反。

If you’re constantly worried about what friends, family, colleagues or even strangers in the street might think, then you’re using up a huge amount of energy worrying (and you’re probably holding yourself back from your real goals).

如果你总是担心你的朋友、家人、同事甚至街边路人的想法，你就费劲精力却迟迟达不到你的真正目的。

This is a tough habit to get out of – but the below steps should help.

这种想法很难摆脱，但是下面的步骤可能帮助你。

Step #1: Ask Yourself What Matters to You

步骤一：问问自己在乎什么

I sometimes worry what people will think of my clothes, or my hair. The thing is, though, physical appearance really isn’t that important to me. Sure, I like to look presentable – but I’ve got virtually zero interest in fashion, and I don’t generally wear makeup.

我有时担心人们对我的服饰或发型的看法。问题是，外表对我来说并不那么重要。当然，我希望穿着整洁，但是我基本上对时尚没什么兴趣，而且大部分时间也不化妆。

It’s okay to have different values from the people around you. Maybe you hate cooking, even though your mom thinks you should be preparing a meal from scratch every night. Maybe you can’t stand the gym, even though your best friend works out every day.

如果你跟周围的人价值观不同，其实没什么关系。也许你讨厌烹饪，但是你妈妈认为你应该每天都做一顿完整的晚餐。也许你无法坚持去健身房，但是你的好朋友却每天锻炼。

Be clear and honest with yourself about what really matters to you. Sure, other people might judge you for not meeting up to their standards – but if you’re true to your own goals and values, then you know you’ve got your priorities right.

清醒地认识到什么对自己最重要，并且诚实以对。当然别人会用他们的标准来评判你，但是如果你忠实于自己的目标和价值观，你就已经建立了良好的形象。

Step #2: Remember That They’re Not All Watching You

步骤二：记住， 别人并不总在注意你。

When I was a teen, I was bullied at school – and even now I find myself worrying that other people are looking at me, maybe even laughing behind my back.

当我十多岁的时候，我在学校里被欺负了，直到现在我还担心别人盯着我看，可能还在背后嘲笑我。

The truth is, though, I’m not the centre of the world – and neither are you! Most of the people around you are far too busy going about their own lives to think much about you.

事实上，我并不是这个世界的焦点，你也不是！你身边的大部分都忙于自己的事而无暇注意你。

Maybe you think you said something really dumb at that party, or maybe you’re convinced that the zit on your nose is so obvious, or that everyone’s talking about that mistake you made last week … the truth is, they probably haven’t even noticed whatever it is that you’re worrying about.

也许你觉得自己在聚会上说的话很垃圾，或者你觉得鼻子上的青春痘很醒目，又或者你相信每个人都在讨论你上周犯的错误……但实际上，人们可能根本没有注意到你担忧的这些东西。

Step #3: Recognizhat Their Opinion Can’t Hurt You

步骤三：意识到别人的意见是无法伤害你的

So – you’re clear about what really matters and you know that you’re not the centre of attention. Still, there’ll be cases where people make a judgment about you. Maybe it’s at work, or when you’re with friends, or just when you’re out and about.

虽然你清楚什么对你是重要的，你也不是众人焦点，但是你仍然有时会被别人评论。可能是在工作中，跟朋友聚会时或出门的时候。

In most situations, people’s opinions can’t hurt you. Sure, that mouthy kid down the road might yell something rude about your haircut, but there’s no way his opinion can affect your life (unless you let it).

大部分的情况下，别人的意见是无法伤害你的。当街上多嘴的孩子粗鲁地批评你的发型时，他的批评根本不可能影响你的生活（除非你让它影响）。

There are a few cases where opinions will make a difference – for instance, your boss’s opinion of you – but are you worrying about the people who matter in your life, or the ones who really don’t?

在极少的情况下事情会有不同，比如，你老板对你的意见，但是这取决于你担忧的是你生命中重要的人还是不重要的人。

You could spend your whole life trying to make strangers and casual acquaintances think good things about you (maybe by spending hours doing your hair every single time you set foot outside your house, or by paying for an expensive car that you can’t really afford). The people who really matter, though, your family and friends, are going to love you for who you are.

你可以花一辈子的时间让一个陌生人或关系一般的熟人对你抱有好感（比如每次出门就花数小时打理你的发型，或者买辆超过承受能力的车）。而真正重要的人，比如家人朋友是无论如何都会爱你的。

Step #4: Accept That You Can’t Control What People Think

步骤四：你无法控制别人的想法，接受这一点。

If you’re a bit of a control-freak like me, this is a tough one – but you can’t control people’s thoughts. You’ve got no idea what might go through their head, or why.

如果你跟我一样有点控制狂，但是你是无法控制别人的想法的。你搞不清楚别人的想法和原因。

Different people respond in very different ways. Maybe your friend is really impressed when he sees someone wearing a flashy watch – but you think that person shouldn’t splash money around. Other people will think all sorts of things about you, and their thoughts will say more about them than they do about you.

每个人的想法都不同。也许你的朋友因为别人戴了一个炫目的手表而注意他，但是你觉得那个人买这个表浪费钱。别人总是会在脑海里评价你，他们想的比表现出来的要多。

Other people’s thoughts – good, bad or indifferent – are their own. Enjoy your own life to the full; you can’t please everyone all of the time, and there’s no need to try to. Next time you’re worrying about what someone might think of you, ask yourself can their thoughts really affect me? … and get on with whatever you want to do.

别人的想法——好的，坏的，不同的——都是他们的想法。尽情享受你的生活，你不能总是取悦别人，也没有必要这么做。下次你再担心别人对你的看法时，问问你自己他们的想法是否真的能够影响你？然后继续你要做的事情。

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