标签: 愤怒 情绪 管理 | 发表时间:2011-10-21 07:59 | 作者:ediver 景泰

译者 ediver

Anger is a powerful emotion that comes from fear, frustration or strong disappointment. It is a natural human emotion, experienced by all of us. Many people think of anger as only a "bad" or "negative" emotion, which can prevent themselves or others from using it in a healthy and helpful way.


Everybody, young and old, male and female, feels angry at some time or another. Many people think that men, especially young men, get angry more often than women. This is a myth. This belief may have come about because men and women tend to express their anger in different ways.


Men and boys are given messages that they should be 'tough' and that it is unmanly to express feelings such as fear, hurt, rejection and other 'painful' emotions.

· 男人从小接受的信息是,他们必须“强硬”。如果他们表现出害怕、受伤、不被接纳或其它“痛苦”的情绪,他们就不够男人。

Women and girls are generally taught that getting angry is 'unladylike' or unfeminine. What names have you heard females called if they show anger?  "out of control", "bitch.."

· 女人从小受到的教育则通常是:发火不够”淑女“或不够女性。你听说过女性发火时是如何被人指摘的吗?”失控“、”母狗……“

This can mean that women are more likely to bottle up their anger or ignore it, while men lose their temper and let people know they feel angry.


Anger can lead to dangerous situations unless you learn to recognise and manage it.


Recognising anger in yourself and others


When you get angry, your body releases a whole load of chemicals into your brain and they change the way your body is working. It stimulates the 'fight or flight' response so that your heart beats faster to push blood and the oxygen it carries, round to every part of your body, giving muscles and organs a boost to perform at their best.


Anger makes the heart pump faster; breathing gets faster and irregular (panting).

· 愤怒会使你心跳加速,呼吸也会加快并且变得不规则(喘息)。

Your temperature rises and your body shakes or trembles.

· 你的体温会升高,身体会发抖或哆嗦。

You may feel like you want to hit out at something or someone, hurt yourself or others, run away as fast as you can, burst into tears or scream and shout.

· 你可能会想要打什么东西或者什么人、伤害自己或者其他人、快速地跑开、大哭一场或者大嚷大叫。

People who are angry look very tense with clenched fists and tight muscles.

· 生气的人看上去很紧张,拳头紧攥,肌肉紧绷。

Their eyes look wild or tearful, their voices sound loud and uncontrolled, or extremely quiet and 'dangerous'.

· 生气的人可能眼神看上去很狂野,也可能满眼泪水。他们的声音可能很大很失控,也可能很轻很“危险”。

Their face may be red and look swollen, or very white and tight looking with lips drawn back (a sort of human version of a dog snarling!).

· 他们的脸可能涨得通红,好象肿了一样,也可能脸色苍白,面部紧敛,嘴唇紧收(有点儿象狗咆哮时的模样!)

If most of these signs are there then this could be a dangerous situation unless it is handled well by you and any other person involved.


angry feelings

How anger can be helpful


In spite of the way anger is often viewed, it can be a helpful emotion in our lives. Anger can help you by:


driving you to reach your goals, handle emergencies and solve problems

· 激励你实现目标,处理紧急情况,解决问题

helping you express stress and tension

· 帮助你表达压力和紧张

communicating to others what you are feeling

· 把你的感受告诉别人

motivating change towards social justice.

· 促进社会向公平转变

In more primitive times anger was used as a survival tool. In more modern times, anger is also useful to:


notice you have been treated unfairly or been emotionally attacked by others

· 告诉别人你受到了不公平的待遇或者情感上受到了伤害

help you protect your emotional well-being

· 帮助你保护自己的心绪健康

allow you to stand up for yourself and your rights

· 让你为了自己和自己的权利挺身而出

show disapproval when someone breaks social rules or 'norms'. Anger communicates a message that some behaviour is not OK, eg. you might get angry at Joe when he 'beats up his girlfriend' because you see violence as very harmful, illegal and not OK

· 让你在别人打破社会规则或“常规”时表达不满。愤怒可以传达这样一种信息,就是有些行为让人无法接受。例如,当乔“动手打他的女朋友”时,你可能会愤怒,因为你认为暴力是一种有害、非法、不可接受的行为。

lead to changes in the way our society runs. When a group of people get angry over the same things, they will often join together to change the situation, eg. marches against racism or protests against war.

· 导致社会运行方式的转变。当一群人对于同样的事情都感到愤怒时,他们经常会携起手来改变现状,比如举行反种族主义的游行或者反战示威。

Note: Your anger can be useful, but only if you express it in a helpful way. It is important that you don't hurt yourself or other people or damage property.


Dealing with your anger


Your instinctive reaction to anger is to go into Attack, Hurt, Destroy, Defend mode!


This can lead to your hurting someone, or hurting yourself if the other person isn’t around to hurt!

· 你可能会去伤害别人,或者如果你想伤害的人不在跟前,你就伤害你自己!

It can lead to damage to property and making really stupid choices that may lead to lasting problems in the future.

· 你也可能会损坏财物,作出种种愚蠢的选择,给将来带来没完没了的麻烦。

Stop and ask yourself why you are really angry.


Is it because you fear something?

· 是因为你有所恐惧吗?

Do you feel you have been treated unfairly?

· 是因为你觉得自己受到了不公平的待遇吗?

Did someone say or do something that embarrassed you?

· 是因为有人说了或者做了什么让你难堪的事情吗?

Did something hurt your feelings?

· 是因为发生了什么伤害你的感情的事情吗?

Did you feel a lack of respect for you and your needs?

· 是因为你觉得自己和自己的需要没有受到别人的尊重吗?

Does it remind you of another experience where you were hurt?

· 是因为你想起了以前受伤的经历吗?

Expressing anger in hurtful ways


When people are not aware of how they are feeling, they can sometimes let anger cause an unhealthy outburst. Anger then becomes negative, destructive and can harm you or other important people and things in your life.


If you frequently lose your temper, you may find it can:


be hard to keep friends, partners, family or employment

· 你很难维持友谊、两性关系、家庭或工作

make both yourself and other people miserable

· 你会让自己和他人都很难受

hurt yourself or others (often loved ones)

· 你会伤害自己或他人(经常是你所爱的人)

lead to loneliness and unhappiness

· 你会感觉孤独、不开心

lead to violence - this is harmful to others, illegal, you may be charged with assault, or other crimes.

· 你可能会有暴力倾向——这本身会对他人造成伤害,是非法的行为,你可能会因侵犯人身罪或其它罪行受到起诉

Anger can take over your life!


If you feel low or have little control in your life, you can sometimes use anger to manipulate or make others afraid of you. This can give you a sense of strength, power and control over the people around you. Using anger this way can hurt other people and yourself. It makes it difficult to keep friends or other relationships and can lead to feelings of guilt or shame. These feelings can lead to low self-esteem, and increased anger and loneliness. It becomes a vicious cycle! It is never OK to use anger to hurt people in any way!


On the other hand, when people ignore their anger, it has nowhere else to go, and can often turn upon its owner.


When you bottle up your anger, you may:


find this method only works for a short period of time

· 发现这个办法只在短时期内有效

have depression, low self-esteem or anxiety

· 患上抑郁症、丧失自尊或感觉焦躁

use drugs and alcohol to "cover it up"

· 使用毒品或酒精来“掩盖它”

feel ugly, horrible and hate yourself

· 感觉难受、痛苦并怨恨自己

hurt or punish yourself

· 伤害或惩罚自己

explode - often over little things that wouldn't normally worry you

· 爆发——而且经常是为些无关紧要的芝麻小事

aim it at people who had nothing to do with the original cause of the anger

· 向那些跟你的愤怒根源完全不相干的人发泄

let anger take over your life!

· 让愤怒控制你的生活!

Bottling it up means anger continues to lurk like an emotional monster, waiting for opportunities to hurt you or someone else.


Starting to take control


Strong anger is not related to sensible thinking or working things out, which is why you need to learn how to deal with anger in a positive way.


Anger produces a lot of power and energy. To be able to manage it you may need to work out ways of reducing it until it is controllable and you are able to use it to make things change.  

· 愤怒会产生很多的能量。要想控制愤怒,你可能先要找到办法把怒气降低到可以控制的程度,然后再利用它来促成变化。

You could learn to channel that energy into useful physical actions like:

· 你可以学习把这种能量用于有益的作为,例如:

getting away from the person you are angry with

  · 离开让你生气的人


  · 跑步

cleaning your room

  · 整理房间

scrubbing the floor

  · 擦洗地板

mowing the lawn

  · 修剪草坪

screaming as loud as you can into a pillow or outside in a place where you can be alone

  · 对着枕头或者到外面无人的空处大喊

writing all your angry thoughts down on a piece of paper then tearing it up into satisfyingly small pieces

  · 把所有让你生气的想法都在一张纸上,然后尽情地把它撕成碎片

counting down from ten to one (in your mind if you are not alone) starting with a screaming 'ten' and bringing down the volume to a whispering 'one'.

  · 从十到一(如果周围有人就在脑子里数),数“十”的时候大声叫,然后逐渐降低音量,数到“一”时变成耳语

exercise - do push ups and sit ups, leg bicycling lying on your back, practise throwing or pitching a ball or hitting a ball with a racket or bat into a blanket hung on the clothesline (not into a wall as your aim might be off and you could end up breaking something).

  · 锻炼——做俯卧撑或仰卧起坐,躺着用腿做蹬自行车的练习,对着挂在晾衣绳上的毯子练习投球或者用拍子击球(不要对着墙,因为你可能因为没瞄准而打碎东西)

It is not a good idea to drive, ride a bike or operate machinery when your anger is out of control.


Getting help to sort things out


If you are angry because of harassment/bullying or discrimination, there are laws and policies at work, school, college or university to deal with this. Make an appointment with a counsellor or equal rights representative and find out the steps you can take.


If you're angry because you are the victim of a violent crime, ring your local police station or legal advice service to gain further information.


If anger has become a problem in your life, you may want to visit a counsellor. They can help you explore personal issues that help you to stay angry most of the time. Sometimes life experiences can hold you back from moving on with your life. Many people get help when they feel the things they're trying on their own aren't working.


Coping with the anger of other people


If you can see that someone is getting angry and out of control:


your safety is most important, so step back and stay quiet.

· 你的安全是第一位的,所以保持距离,保持安静。

speak quietly and calmly if the angry person is asking questions.

· 如果发火的人问问题,轻柔、镇静地回答他。

if the situation looks like becoming violent then go and get help from a trusted adult.

· 如果情况可能走向暴力,去找你信得过的成人来帮助。

If someone in your home is often angry that is not your fault.


No one can make someone else angry. Everyone needs to control their own anger and not allow it to take over their minds and bodies.

· 没人能让别人发火。每个人都应该控制自己的怒气,不让怒火占据他们的身心。

If you are living in what is sometimes a violent home then you need to talk with a trusted adult.

· 如果你生活在一个充满暴力的家庭,你应该跟一位你信得过的成人谈一谈。

It is not 'dobbing' on someone if you are in an unsafe situation. You and the person who is unable to control his or her anger need some help.

· 如果你的处境不安全,这并不构成对他人的“出卖”。你和那个无法控制怒气的人都需要帮助。

Work out what you will need to do to keep yourself safe.

  · 想想你能做些什么来保证自己的安全。

Have an emergency fund stashed to get yourself out of there and round to your trusted friends.

  · 在隐蔽处准备一些应急钱,以便你能离开那里,到信任的朋友家里去。

Have a small bag filled with basic essentials ready to go in case you have get out in a hurry.

  · 准备一个小包,里面放上必需品,这样你就能随时离开。

Don't lose your temper or react, just avoid eye contact, stay calm and quiet and walk away as soon as you safely can.

  · 不要发火,也不要作出反应,避免视线接触,保持清醒和冷静,一旦能够安全地离开就赶紧走开。

Call the police if you fear for the safety of yourself and others who are there.

  · 如果你为自己和其他在场的人的安全担心,就给警察打电话。

Skills to learn and practise


Self awareness

· 自我觉察

Get to know yourself so that you can recognise when you are starting to feel angry.

  · 了解自己,这样当你开始生气的时候,你就能觉察出来。

Work out what it is that is making you feel angry and then think of how you can deal with it without losing your temper.

  · 找出让你生气的原因,然后想想有什么办法可以让你不发脾气就能解决问题。


· 沟通

Being able to communicate calls for listening and speaking skills.


Practise being an active listener. Active listening involves:

  · 练习做一个积极的倾听者。积极的倾听包括:

giving the speaker eye contact

    · 跟说话者保持视线接触

making 'listening noises' eg "uhuh" and "yes I see"

    · 发出一些“倾听的声音”,比如“嗯”,“我知道了”,等等

showing you understand by repeating what they have said using your own words eg. "Do you mean…?"

    · 用你自己的话重复对方所说的,以表示你已经明白,比如:“你的意思是……吗?”

Practise thinking logically about what you want to say.

  · 练习有逻辑地组织你要说的话。

Speak quietly without getting upset.

  · 轻声讲话,并且不需要感觉沮丧。


· 有主见

Being assertive is about standing up for yourself without getting upset or losing your temper.


It is about listening, then saying things like, "I hear what you are saying but have you thought about…"

  · 有主见首先要倾听,然后你可以说:“我听懂了你的意思,但是你有没有想过……”

It is about being able to agree that you are not going to agree, but that it's okay for each of you to have your own opinions.

  · 有主见是接受这样一个事实——你可以有不同的意见。每个人都可以有自己的看法,这没关系。

It is about toleration and compromise.

  · 有主见是宽容和妥协。

It is about knowing how to stand your ground without being threatening to anyone.

  · 有主见是坚持自己的立场但并不威胁任何人。

Being assertive is a very important skill that everyone should learn.


Conflict resolution

· 解决争议

Anger is a strong emotion. Strong emotions can get in the way of clear thinking and commonsense. Conflict resolution skills are helpful when dealing with strong emotions


Conflict resolution is about:


working through the problem

  · 分析问题

listening to and respecting each other's opinions

  · 倾听并尊重每个人的意见

finding a solution that is win-win. That is when there is no winner and no loser, but each person has to be prepared to give up something to get something that they want.

  · 寻找双赢的解决方案,也就是说,没有赢家也没有输家,每个人为了得到想要的结果,都必须准备放弃一些东西。

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