做爱持久

原作者：
来源Last Longer
译者破尘

Last Longer

做爱持久一点

The Difference Between Lasting Longer During Sex, and Sex that Lasts Longer

性爱期间的持久和性爱持久的区别

"Please. I want to last longer."

“求求你，我想更持久一点。”

Every week I receive a few emails with variations of this request. The emails are usually from people identifying themselves as male who are most often having sex with women. They rarely offer up details about the sex they are having. The emails are brief and polite. The emailer wants to provide more pleasure for his partner, and believes that being able to last longer will solve their problem.

每周我会收到一些类似这种要求的邮件。这些邮件是从那些把自己鉴定是男人，并且常常跟女人做爱的人。他们很少提供做爱的细节。邮件都是简略和客气的。发件人希望给他的伴侣更多的乐趣，并且相信能够持久一点就能解决他们的问题。

I have a different problem. I need to know what they want to last longer at. You may think it's obvious, that everyone wants to make intercourse last longer. But that's not obvious to me. I have the benefit of talking with thousands of people a year about their sex lives so I know that sex is more than intercourse. If you're someone for whom sex has always been all about intercourse, it makes sense that you'd think that your ability to maintain an erection during intercourse defines your value as a sexual partner. It's hard to learn about what other people's sex lives are really like. More often we end up reading statistics on average frequency of sex, or how long sex lasts. But statistics have a white washing effect, and they don't always reflect individual experience.

我有个不同的问题。我需要知道他们想在哪儿更持久一点。也许你认为这是明摆着的，就是每个人希望性交更持久一点。但是这对我显然不是的。我有每年跟成千上万的人谈论他们的性生活的经验，所以我知道做爱不仅仅是性交。如果你是那种一直认为做爱就是性交的人，那么你认为在性交时始终能够保持勃起证明了作为一个性伴侣的价值是有道理的。很难去了解其他人的性生活时什么样的。更多的时候我们是阅读关于一般性生活的频率，或者做爱持续时间的数据。但是数据有漂白的功效，而且他们经常不能反映个人的经验。

So my response usually involves a few questions in addition to some answers. Like these ones.

所以我的回应除了几个答案，还有几个问题。比如下面这些。

Who or What Lasts Longer?

谁或者什么持久一点？

My first question is to clarify what you mean by lasting longer in the first place. Do you want to extend the time you spend having sex? Is it just a specific part of sex that you wish lasted longer? Is it that your body gives up or gives out, and you wish it didn't? Or is it that your mind starts to roam, and you want to be able to concentrate on sex for longer periods? These questions raise other points about how we think about sex. The idea that someone isn't lasting long enough suggests that one person is responsible for the length of time sex happens. This is unfair, and its arbitrary. Everyone involved in a sexual encounter needs to take some responsibility for the sex that's happening. If sex ends before one or more than one of the partners involved wants it to end, then everyone needs to chip in. Each partner needs to talk about what they want, why they want it, and what can the do to make it happen. It's easy to get into a sexual routine and/or pattern and that's not necessarily a problem, but if sex becomes the responsibility of only one person, unless that sex is masturbation, you're headed for trouble.

我的第一个问题是首先要说明你说的持久一点是指什么?你是希望延长你做爱的时间吗？还是仅仅是希望延长做爱其中的一个特别的环节？是不是你的身体不行了，但是你不希望？或者是你的思维开始漫游，但是你希望专心在做爱上面，希望持续久一点？这些问题指出了我们对性爱看法的其他观点。某个人不能持续足够久表明一个人要对做爱时间长短负责。这是不公平的，也是武断的。碰到性问题的每个人都需要对发生的性爱负责。如果性爱在一个或者不止一个伴侣想让它结束之前结束，那么每个人需要谈谈，负起责任。每个伴侣需要交流他们想要什么，为什么需要这个，怎么做才能让这个发生。形成一个例行公事或者模式是很容易的，那也不是问题，但是如果做爱变成了一个人的责任，除非性爱是自慰，否则你遇到麻烦了。

Why Last Longer?

为什么持久一点？

My next question is, why do you want to last longer? Are you loving the sex you're having? Is it feeling so good that you wish it would go on for another ten minutes or two hours? Or do you think you need to last longer because you simply think you should be able to last longer? For some people sex comes with so much anxiety and feelings of pressure that the relief from sex is simply that it's over. If you're not really enjoying your sex life, that's worth addressing. But simply making it last longer, just adding quantity, may not be the answer.

我的下一个问题是，你为什么想更持久一点？你热爱你现有的性爱生活吗？它是如此之好以至于你希望它能够多10分钟或者2小时吗？或者你认为你应该持久一点因为你简单地认为你应该能够做到？对于一些人性爱伴随着巨大的焦虑和压力，从性爱中解脱出来就是简单地它结束了。如果你不是很享受你的性爱，那是值得一说。但是简单地让它持久一点，仅仅是增加数量，也许不是答案。

Last Longer Doing What?

持久一点做什么？

What specifically do you like about the sex you're having? You're probably doing different things, like kissing, fondling, licking, etc... Do you want it all to last longer, or just certain things. Again, it's easy to focus on intercourse, but intercourse is almost always only one part of sex play. If it's the intercourse that you want to last longer that fine, and you can make that happen. But before you make a change to your sex life, it's worth everyone involved checking in about what exactly the change should look like. How would it be different if you had sex twice for 20 minutes as opposed to lasting longer and having sex once for 40 minutes? You may think that intercourse is what needs to last longer, you're partner might be wishing for more oral sex, or kissing.

对于现有的性爱你们特别喜欢什么？你们也许是不同的事情，比如接吻，爱抚，舔，等等。你想全部都持久一点，还是仅仅是特定的一部分。再一次，集中于性交时很容易的，但是性交一直都仅仅是性爱的一部分。如果你想性交更持久一点，那好办，你能够成功。但是在你对你的性生活做出改变前，有必要让双方检查这个变化究竟是什么。它会怎么的不同，如果你20分钟做爱两次跟你持久一点，40分钟做爱一次相比？你也许会认为性交是需要持久一点，但是你的伴侣也许会希望更多的口交，或者接吻。

Premature Ejaculation

早泄

While people of all genders may want sex to last longer, in heterosexual relationships the onus is often on the person with the penis to extend the length of sex. And when sex is "too short" (by whose definition?) it is often characterized as a man having premature ejaculation. Premature ejaculation isn't simply a problem of definitions. There are many men who ejaculate so quickly once they are sexually stimulated, that they aren't able to enjoy sex as much as they'd like, and they aren't able to sexually stimulate their partners in ways they want to. Premature ejaculation is the most common sexual complaint for men. But it's also one that most men can learn to control.

虽然也许所有人都希望性爱持久一点，在异性恋中，通常有小弟弟的人负责延长性生活的长度。当做爱“太短”（谁定义的？）这通常被认为是早泄。早泄并不是简简单单的下定义。有许多人一旦受性刺激，他们就会很快地射精，以至于他们不能享受他们想要的性生活，他们不能用他们的方式性刺激他们的伴侣。早泄是对男人最常见的性抱怨。但是这同样也是大部分男人能够学会控制的。

Other Ways to Last Longer

持久一点的其他方法

Controlling the timing of ejaculation isn't necessarily going to make sex last longer, if the sex you want to last longer doesn't involve a penis. Making sex last longer may require you to talk about the sex your having, and even to slow sex down a bit. Certainly thinking about sex beyond intercourse, and trying out new ways of being sexual together is one way to slow things down. If you're in the habit of having sex at the same time of the day or night, switching that up may also change how long sex lasts as it will probably change the energy you have going into sex. If you're the kind of person who falls asleep right after sex this may not work, but some people find they have a burst of energy after sex, and if this is you it might make more sense to have sex before you finish all the work you need to do that day, and then you can go back to work.

控制射精的时间不是让做爱持久所必须的，如果你想持久的性爱并不包括小弟弟。让做爱持久一点也许需要你说出你现有的性爱生活，甚至慢一点。一定要认为性爱是超越性交的，尝试做爱的新方法是慢下来的一种方法。如果你的习惯是在白天或者夜晚相同的时间做爱，改变一下或许也可以改变你性爱的长短，因为它有可能改变了你准备做爱时的能量。如果你是那种做完爱就睡着的人，这招也许没效，但是一些人发现做爱过后会有能量的爆发，如果你是这种人，那么这也许就可以说明白在你完成所有的工作之前做爱，然后你可以继续回去工作。

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