人善未必被人欺（如何做到既和善可亲又处处领先）

标签：领先 | 发表时间：2011-08-24 01:41 | 作者：wood5066 Pen

出处：http://www.yeeyan.org

原作者：
来源How to be Nice and Finish First
译者wood5066

How to be Nice and Finish First!

如何做到既和善又争先？

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July 24, 2010 By Nabil Gulamani Leave a Comment

Are you frustrated of people walking all over you? Do you constantly beat your head against the wall when you come home every day because you feel like you are constantly being taken advantage of by your co-workers because you are nice? Sometimes you probably have asked yourself, if it really worth being nice in today’s world. Well if you are a nice person keep reading because I am going to give you a few tips on how you can be nice and still finish first.

你是否被周围人搞得心情沮丧？每天一回到家，你是否会不停地用头撞墙，就因为自己的和善可欺而不断被同事利用？有时也许你会扪心自问，在这世道里还值不值得做个好人。如果你心地善良，那就接着往下读，因为我会列出些建议，让你既能保持善良心性，又能尽占先机。

A few rules to keep in mind

需要记住的几个法则：

Rule # 1—-Remember that you aren’t being nice to gain anyone’s approval- I used to be the type of guy that did things to make other people happy thinking they would like me or love me forever. I was doing this because I was insecure and just needed approval. This resulted in me getting dumped by my first girlfriend and sleeping in bed all day feeling sorry for myself. Remember that many people will act on their own self interest. We live in a society where we are surrounded by a lot of people that are focusing on their own needs. Don’t think that you can make someone like you by doing nice things for them all the time. It is fine sharing your food with everyone in the office but don’t think that they will automatically like you if you do that. Share your food if you like sharing your food, but don’t do it to win other people’s approval.

法则1——你表现出的善良和蔼并不是为了换取他人的赞同，这一点要记牢。我就曾经是这类人，尽力取悦他人，觉得他们会永远喜欢或是永远爱我。我之所以这么做是因为我缺乏安全感，一味想得到别人的认同。这样做的后果是我被初恋女友甩了，一整天躺在床上自怨自艾。记住，很多人是依他们自身利益来行事的。在我们所在的社会里，我们周围充斥着许多只重视自身需求的人。可别指望你能通过不停地做好事来让某人喜欢上你。在办公室里和大家分享你的食物是件好事，但是别以为那样别人就会主动喜欢上你。你想分享食物就分享吧，但是不要为此期望别人的认可。

Now I am not saying don’t be nice. I am a very nice person. Being nice is actually a wonderful personality trait to have. It will get you far in life. However, remember to portray a high level of confidence if you are nice. This shows that you can be trusted.

我可不是让大家不要去做好人，我本人就十分善良。善良事实上是值得拥有的美好人格，它能让你的人生意义深远。尽管如此，善良的同时要记得保持充沛的自信心，要表现出你值得信赖。

Rule #2—-Don’t be afraid to say what you feel like saying- Some people won’t say what they feel like saying because they are afraid that they will offend someone or think that people surrounding him or her will think they are weird and from another planet. Why are you so scared of speaking your mind? If your co- worker irritated the crap out of you than you need to speak up and tell them. Also, don’t ever say “It’s OK” if your friend needs to borrow your car but you want to use the car for an important job interview. Don’t worry you won’t lose your friends if you say “NO”. Just learn how to say “NO” please. Don’t stop writing your important client email to help your co-worker put together an excel spreadsheet. Tell them that you have an important email to send and you will help them with the spreadsheet as soon as you are done. Don’t worry they won’t be annoyed, they will actually respect you more. If your co workers notice that you have a hard time saying “NO” they will start treating you like crap or just dump all the paper work on your desk for you to finish off.

法则2——敢于说出心里话。有的人不爱说心里话，因为他们怕会因此而冒犯别人，或是害怕会让别人觉得他/她性格古怪，像是从别的星球来的。说心里话有什么可害怕的？如果你的同事令你忍无可忍，你就必须说出来，让他们知道。如果你的朋友想借你的车，而你正要开车奔赴一个重要的工作面试，你总不能说“没关系”吧。别担心，你不会因为拒绝而失去朋友，学着如何说“不”吧。在你忙着写重要的客户电邮时，不要停下来去帮同事弄电子表格，告诉他们你现在有个很重要的email要发，一旦处理完就会去帮助他们。别担心他们会因此恼火，实际上他们会更加尊重你。一旦你的同事发现你难于拒绝别人，他们就不会把你当回事儿，或是把所有的文书工作都扔给你处理。

Rule #3—- Be NICE but ASSERTIVE- Being Assertive means that you are someone that is very self assured and you are very confident and straight forward. When you get out of college and out in the real world you will start to realize that your employee will love you for your confidence. Your clients will also feel comfortable buying your product because your assertiveness will show a lot of confidence. Lastly, you won’t get ripped off by the nearby store owner when you are shopping if you have a high level of assertiveness.

法则3——要和善更要独断。独断是指你要立场坚定、无比自信、勇往直前。大学毕业踏入社会后，你会发现你的下属会因为你的自信而拥戴你。你的客户也会因你自信的魄力而乐于购买你的产品。最后，去附近商店买东西时，你也不会因为缺乏决断力而上当受骗。

Check out a book called Influence, written by Robert Cialdini. The book has great information on how to persuade & influence other people and how to build confidence in your communication skills. Or click on the Amazon link below.

找找一本Robert Cialdini写的书，书名叫《影响力》。这本书阐述了如何说服和影响他人、如何在交流中建立自信。（译者：此处广告，省略链接）

http://www.amazon.com/Influence-Psychology-Persuasion-Business-Essentials/dp/006124189X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1279566980&sr=8-1

Rule #4—-Don’t be afraid of teasing a stranger- When we meet strangers we have this habit of talking like strangers. We are afraid to joke around with them because we are afraid that they may get offended. Teasing someone or making sarcastic jokes will actually make people like you, believe it or not. It shows them you aren’t afraid of saying what you feel like saying and it shows that you are confident. So next time you are ordering coffee, give the person taking your order a very hard time by cracking some random joke and teasing the hell out of them. Just make sure your joke is FUNNY AND NOT REALLY MESSED UP. Don’t tease to the point where you sound like a total jackass. And yes, don’t worry you are still a nice person by teasing someone; you will be seen as a nice person with a lot of confidence. Other people will love your humor because humor demonstrates confidence. WHY DO YOU THINK PEOPLE LOVE COMEDIANS? They are so cocky but also funny.

法则4——敢于戏弄陌生人。我们习惯于见到陌生人就进行生疏的谈话。我们不敢和陌生人说笑，害怕因此冒犯他们。信不信由你，戏弄别人或是开些无伤大雅的玩笑事实上会让别人喜欢你。那样你会表现出心直口快和自信的魅力。所以下次试试看，去喝咖啡时跟招待员随便开些玩笑，逗弄出他们的本性，让他们对你印象深刻。但是要确保你的玩笑真正好笑而不是尖酸刻薄，可别搞得自己像头蠢驴。而且不必担心，就算你调戏别人，你仍然是个纯良的人，别人会觉得你既和善又自信。别人会爱上你的幽默感，因为幽默意味着自信。想想看，人们为什么那么喜欢喜剧演员？他们如此高傲自大，但同时也妙趣横生。

Developing the “Survival of the Fittest” attitude so you can win in Dating and Business.

树立“适者生存”观念，赢得爱情和事业。

I am sure you have heard the saying “Nice guys finish last”. When nice guys hear this term it instantly puts them down. They think that they are losers and won’t get women forever. Well you know if you carry this kind of negative attitude I guarantee you that you will be finishing last forever. Listen to me very carefully………

我确信你一定听说过“好人吊车尾”这句话（译者：没听过，人善被人欺倒是真的）。善良的人们一听到这个立刻就心情低落。他们会觉得自己很失败，永远也无法赢得芳心。可是如果你坚信这一负面观点，我保证你永远吊车尾（译者：够毒舌），现在仔细听我说......

The reason that many nice people get taken advantage of is because they have a low level of self confidence and people smell that right away. I have been in that situation. I had to work on my self confidence level throughout high school and college. I wasn’t the popular kid in high school or the guy that got all the chicks. In fact back when I was in middle school and high school I was a very shy person with barely any confidence to get me in bed with a woman. I was confused as to why I wasn’t getting laid or why I wasn’t the leader of the wolf pack when I was hanging out with my friends.

I finally realized the following about myself……..

之所以那么多心地温和的人被别人利用，是因为他们缺乏自信，而恰恰被别人抓住了这个弱点。我就有类似经历，在高中和大学期间我不得不努力建立自信心。上高中时，我不是那种受女生追捧的万人迷，正相反，在中学和高中期间，我胆小害羞，对跟女人上床这事根本没有自信。当我和朋友出去闲晃时，我从来泡不到妞，也从来成不了青少年流氓团伙的头头，这是为什么？我对此疑惑不解。（译者：狂汗。。。作者思维强大）

最终我找到了症结所在......

I didn’t have the “Survival of the fittest attitude”. What does this mean? A few hundred years ago people looked up and respected people who brought the most meat back to the village after they finished hunting. They are also the people that were surrounded by the best looking women. WHY?

我没有树立“适者生存”这一观念。“适者生存”是什么意思？数百年前人们钦佩和尊重那些狩猎结束后成果最丰的人，而这些人也会被美女团团围住。为什么？

Read this next line very carefully……

仔细往下阅读......

Our minds are programmed to respond positively to leaders, ambitious individuals, and individuals who are assertive. Many nice people don’t have these traits. You see you may have been a nice and caring person since your childhood. Now you finally feel like being a jackass so that you don’t get taken advantage of. That’s not a good idea because you are totally changing the type person you are. SO WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU DO ABOUT THIS PROBLEM?!?!

在大众理念里，那些领袖们、野心勃勃者和独断专行的人是受到认可的，而心地善良者不具备这些品格。如果你从小就善良体贴，而现在为了不被别人利用，你逼迫自己去做一些自认为愚蠢的事。那恐怕行不通，因为你在试图颠覆自身性情。那么面对这个难题，你到底该怎么做？

I provided some rules in the beginning of the reading…Make sure you print this out and read those rules every night before you go to bed. Remember Mr. Nice guy or woman, be a leader, be ambitious, and be assertive and then and only will people respect you. Stop letting people take advantage of you and start being confident.

我在前面提了些建议...一定要打印出来睡前温习。各位好好先生/女士们要记住，要有领袖气质、要有野心，还要有决断力，那样人们才会尊重你。别再被人利用，拿出自信来。