应尽早懂得的16个道理

原作者：
来源16 Things I Wish They Had Taught Me in School
译者鐵罐

I am 28 now. I don’t think about the past or regret things much these days.

本人现年二十八，不怎么回忆过去，更不觉有什么憾事。

But sometimes I wish that I had known some of things I have learned over the last few years a bit earlier. That perhaps there had been a self-improvement class in school. And in some ways there probably was.

但有时仍恨不能早点懂得这些年所体悟出的道理，在学校课堂上能学到如何自我提升就好了。可能还真有这类课程吧。

Because some of these 16 things in this article a teacher probably spoke about in class. But I forgot about them or didn’t pay attention.

本文中的一些道理可能某位老师也曾在课上讲过，可惜，不是让我抛在脑后就是自己正巧溜号去了。

Some of it would probably not have stuck in my mind anyway. Or just been too far outside my reality at the time for me to accept and use.

其实，有的道理我当初很难领会，有的对我而言又太不切实际，根本消化不了。

But I still think that taking a few hours from all those German language classes and use them for some personal development classes would have been a good idea. Perhaps for just an hour a week in high school. It would probably be useful for many students and on a larger scale quite helpful for society in general.

不过我仍认为，如果学校能在那些大块的德语课中拿出几个小时，开课教授自我提高的话，会是个很不错的想法，中学里可能每周只需一小时。这样不仅对学生大有裨益，对整个社会也是有好处的。

So here are 16 things I wish they had taught me in school (or I just would like to have known about earlier).

下面的16个道理，我希望当初能在学校里学到，或者自己能够早些懂得：

1. The 80/20 rule.

1. 二八定律

This is one of the best ways to make better use of your time. The 80/20 rule – also known as The Pareto Principle – basically says that 80 percent of the value you will receive will come from 20 percent of your activities.

掌握这条法则就能够合理优化地利用时间。二八定律（又称帕累托法则）简言之，就是80%的收获源于20%的付出。

So a lot of what you do is probably not as useful or even necessary to do as you may think.

所以，你所做的未必有你想象的那么重要，很多事情根本不必去做，或是只用一点点时间就够了。如果你能遵循二八定律，就会有更多气力投入到那些能带来幸福感与成就感的有意义的事情上。

You can just drop – or vastly decrease the time you spend on – a whole bunch of things.

And if you do that you will have more time and energy to spend on those things that really brings your value, happiness, fulfilment and so on.

2. Parkinson’s Law.

2. 帕金森定律

You can do things quicker than you think. This law says that a task will expand in time and seeming complexity depending on the time you set aside for it. For instance, if you say to yourself that you’ll come up with a solution within a week then the problem will seem to grow more difficult and you’ll spend more and more time trying to come up with a solution.

你的做事速度可以比你想象的更快。帕金森定律表述的是：为完成某件事预定的时间越长，所需的时间就越长，让人觉得难度也在增加 。打个比方，你告诫自己要在一周内找到解决某事，可这件事到时就变得越来越复杂，结果让你花去了越来越多的时间 。

So focus your time on finding solutions. Then just give yourself an hour (instead of the whole day) or the day (instead of the whole week) to solve the problem. This will force your mind to focus on solutions and action.

故此我们应集中精力去解决问题。如果完成目的只需一小时，就不要用一天时间，如果只需一天，就不要用一周时间，以此强迫自己专注于行动。

The result may not be exactly as perfect as if you had spent a week on the task, but as mentioned in the previous point, 80 percent of the value will come from 20 percent of the activities anyway. Or you may wind up with a better result because you haven’t overcomplicated or overpolished things. This will help you to get things done faster, to improve your ability to focus and give you more free time where you can totally focus on what’s in front of you instead of having some looming task creating stress in the back of your mind.

这样的效果或许不如用一周时间的效果那么理想，但是前文告诉我们，80%的收获源于20%的付出。由于事情得以简化，或许最终结果还能更理想。运用帕金森定律不仅可以提高办事效率，加强专注度，还能节省时间以便解决当务之急，而不会让事情堆在脑后，让人焦虑。

3. Batching.

3. 批量做事

Boring or routine tasks can create a lot of procrastination and low-level anxiety. One good way to get these things done quickly is to batch them. This means that you do them all in row. You will be able to do them quicker because there is less “start-up time” compared to if you spread them out. And when you are batching you become fully engaged in the tasks and more focused.

日常琐事易让人拖拖拉拉，产生烦躁。有一记妙招，就是迅速批量地做事，也就是说把这些事情一起做完。由于压缩了准备时间，所以这样就比一件件分开做来得更快，而且可以使人更投入。

A batch of things to do in an hour today may look like this: Clean your desk / answer today’s emails / do the dishes / make three calls / write a grocery shopping list for tomorrow.

平日里可在一小时内一起完成的事，举例：清理书桌、回邮件、刷碗、打上三个电话、列好明天的购物清单。

4. First, give value. Then, get value. Not the other way around.

4. 先付出，再索取，切莫颠倒。

This is a bit of a counter-intuitive thing. There is often an idea that someone should give us something or do something for us before we give back. The problem is just that a lot of people think that way. And so far less than possible is given either way.

这个道理有一点悖离人的直觉，人们总觉得别人应该先给予，然后自己再回馈。问题在于有太多的人都是这么想的，而且这种好事很难发生。

If you want to increase the value you receive (money, love, kindness, opportunities etc.) you have to increase the value you give. Because over time you pretty much get what you give. It would perhaps be nice to get something for nothing. But that seldom happens.

金钱、感情、友善、机遇这些你所享有的东西，索取的越多，要付出的便越多。时间流转，你的付出必有所获。未经付出便可索取看似美妙，实则是不可能的。

5. Be proactive. Not reactive.

5. 以积极主动为荣，以消极怠惰为耻。

This one ties into the last point. If everyone is reactive then very little will get done. You could sit and wait and hope for someone else to do something. And that happens pretty often, but it can take a lot of time before it happens.

这条与上一条有关。被动消极，难成一事，原地不动，指望别人，倒是有会有人来做，不过到那时大把的时间已经浪费掉了。

A more useful and beneficial way is to be proactive, to simply be the one to take the first practical action and get the ball rolling. This not only saves you a lot of waiting, but is also more pleasurable since you feel like you have the power over your life. Instead of feeling like you are run by a bunch of random outside forces.

更有效的好方法是让自己主动起来，第一个做出行动。这样不仅免去了无谓的等待，还能使人心情愉悦，因为你会发觉生活是把握在自己手中，而不是受外在力量的控制。

6. Mistakes and failures are good.

6. 失败同样宝贵

When you are young you just try things and fail until you learn. As you grow a bit older, you learn from – for example – school to not make mistakes. And you try less and less things.

人在年少时，愿意不断去尝试，也不断地遭到挫败，才终有所获。可随着年纪的增长，比方说，你在学校里学到了怎样才能不犯错，然后就不那么愿意尝试新事物了。

This may cause you to stop being proactive and to fall into a habit of being reactive, of waiting for someone else to do something. I mean, what if you actually tried something and failed? Perhaps people would laugh at you?

这会让原本积极主动的人变得消极怠惰，不敢当先。我想说，如果你真的去尝试了然后失败了，又能怎样？周围人会嘲笑是吗？

Perhaps they would. But when you experience that you soon realize that it is seldom the end of the world. And a lot of the time people don’t care that much. They have their own challenges and lives to worry about.

可能真的有人会嘲笑你。不过真当你体验到了，就会发现那根本不是世界末日。何况别人哪会那么在意，每个人都有不同的困扰，都要过自己的生活。

And success in life often comes from not giving up despite mistakes and failure. It comes from being persistent.

面对过失和挫败不低头不放弃，坚持不懈，才是成功之道。

When you first learn to ride your bike you may fall over and over. Bruise a knee and cry a bit. But you get up, brush yourself off and get on the saddle again. And eventually you learn how to ride a bike. If you can just reconnect to your 5 year old self and do things that way – instead of giving up after a try/failure or two as grown-ups often do – you would probably experience a lot more interesting things, learn valuable lessons and have quite a bit more success.

我们小时候刚开始学自行车时，可能会一次次跌倒，摔破了膝盖，还会抹眼泪。不过我们都会站起来擦干眼泪，重新再骑，最终才学会了骑自行车。如果我们能找回5 岁时的自己，以那时的方式，而不像成人一样，尝试了几次或者失败过几次就放弃，那么我们多半可以经历很多有意思的事，有很多宝贵的经验，我们也能更成功。

7. Don’t beat yourself up.

7. 切莫妄自菲薄

Why do people give up after just few mistakes or failures? Well, I think one big reason is because they beat themselves up way too much. But it’s a kinda pointless habit. It only creates additional and unnecessary pain inside you and wastes your precious time. It’s best to try to drop this habit as much as you can.

为什么有人会在经历几次失败之后就放弃了呢？我认为一个主要原因就是他们太轻视自己了。这种没有意义的行为只会带来不必要的痛苦，让时间白白溜走，这个毛病还是越早改掉越好。

8. Assume rapport.

8. 假想与别人的关系

Meeting new people is fun. But it can also induce nervousness. We all want to make a good first impression and not get stuck in an awkward conversation.

与人交往是很有趣的，不过难免也会紧张發怵。我们都想给人留下良好的第一印象，没人愿意尴尬地说不出话。

The best way to do this that I have found so far is to assume rapport. This means that you simply pretend that you are meeting one of your best friends. Then you start the interaction in that frame of mind instead of the nervous one.

我发现最管用的一招就是假想与别人的关系，就是说，你先当成是和一个好朋友在一起，然后再抱着这样的心态和他接触，就不会紧张了。

This works surprisingly well. You can read more about it in How to Have Less Awkward Conversations: Assuming Rapport.

这招效果出奇地好，具体可以看我的这篇博文。

9. Use your reticular activation system to your advantage.

9. 充分利用网状激活系统

I learned about the organs and the inner workings of the body in class but nobody told me about the reticular activation system. And that’s a shame, because this is one of the most powerful things you can learn about. What this focus system, this R.A.S, in your mind does is to allow you to see in your surroundings what you focus your thoughts on. It pretty much always helps you to find what you are looking for.

在学校里我学过人体构造，组织器官这些知识，但是我从没听说过“网状激活系统”。真是遗憾啊，因为这绝对是你所能掌握的一大利器。人通过大脑的网状激活系统可以在纷繁的外部环境中见到心中所想，所以我们才总能找到要找的东西。

So you really need to focus on what you want, not on what you don’t want. And keep that focus steady.

所以记得时常提醒自己：始终注视着你所追求的东西。

Setting goals and reviewing them frequently is one way to keep your focus on what’s important and to help you take action that will move your closer to toward where you want to go. Another way is just to use external reminders such as pieces of paper where you can, for instance, write down a few things from this post like “Give value” or “Assume rapport”. And then you can put those pieces of paper on your fridge, bathroom mirror etc.

若想专注去做重要的事，并向目标一步步前进，就该给自己立下目标，定期回顾。还可以用周围的事物提醒自己，比如在纸上写下几行字， 然后贴在冰箱上、浴室镜子上等等。

译注：”网状激活系统”被普遍地看作是维持“一般清醒”或“意识”状态的神经系统。人在某种程度上可以根据自己的意志控制自身的意识状态。

10. Your attitude changes your reality.

10. 态度改变现实

We have all heard that you should keep a positive attitude or perhaps that “you need to change your attitude!”. That is a nice piece of advice I suppose, but without any more reasons to do it is very easy to just brush such suggestions off and continue using your old attitude.

我们都听到过要保持积极心态，或者“你得好好端正态度！”云云此类。这种建议是不错，不过如果没有找不出什么理由的话，很容易让人抛在脑后，又走上自己的老路。

But the thing that I’ve discovered the last few years is that if you change your attitude, you actually change your reality. When you for instance use a positive attitude instead of a negative one you start to see things and viewpoints that were invisible to you before. You may think to yourself “why haven’t I thought about things this way before?”.

但是我这几年才发现，如果态度改变了，生活也会随之改变。比如说，原本心态消极的人如果变得积极了，那他通过新视角就会发觉过去的盲区，或许还会埋怨自己：“我怎么早没这么想过呢！”

When you change your attitude you change what you focus on. And all things in your world can now be seen in a different light.

态度改变了，视角就随之变化，你眼中的世界也就因此而改变。

This is of course very similar to the previous tip but I wanted to give this one some space. Because changing your attitude can create an insane change in your world. It might not look like it if you just think about it though. Pessimism might seem like realism. But that is mostly because your R.A.S is tuned into seeing all the negative things you want to see. And that makes you “right” a lot of the time. And perhaps that is what you want. On the other hand, there are more fun things than being right all the time.

很明显这和上一个道理很像，但我得多着点笔墨，因为人在态度改变后可能会大有不同。如果只是凭空地想一想或许不见得如此。悲观心态看似很现实，只不过是由于”网状激活系统“令你只能看到所有悲观负面的事物，并且还总觉得自己是“正确的”，或许这也正是你所想要的。那换个说法吧，生活中的乐趣态度了，怎能只作一个永远“正确”的悲观主义者呢？

If you try changing your attitude for real – instead of analysing such a concept in your mind – you’ll be surprised.

假若你真能试着改变自己的态度，而不仅仅是在心里盘算一下，那么你肯定会大吃一惊的。

You may want to read more about this topic in Take the Positivity Challenge!

有兴趣的可以读读这篇文章：《你敢让自己拥有积极的心态吗》

11. Gratitude is a simple way to make yourself feel happy.

11. 常怀感恩之心是拥有快乐的最简单途径

Sure, I was probably told that I should be grateful. Perhaps because it was the right thing to do or just something I should do. But if someone had said that feeling grateful about things for minute or two is a great way to turn a negative mood into a happy one I would probably have practised gratitude more. It is also a good tool for keeping your attitude up and focusing on the right things. And to make other people happy. Which tends to make you even happier, since emotions are contagious.

总有人会教导我们要懂得感恩，也许是因为这么做有道理，也许是因为我们只得如此。不过，如果有人告诉我，感恩可以使人改善情绪，不再消沉，那我肯定照办。学会感恩不仅能使人积极向上，把心用在正地方；还能为别人带来快乐，而且因为彼此间情绪也会互相传染，你也会更开心快乐。

12. Don’t compare yourself to others.

12. 不与别人作比较

The ego wants to compare. It wants to find reasons for you to feel good about yourself (“I’ve got a new bike!”). But by doing that it also becomes very hard to not compare yourself to others who have more than you (“Oh no, Bill has bought an even nicer bike!”). And so you don’t feel so good about yourself once again. If you compare yourself to others you let the world around control how you feel about yourself. It always becomes a rollercoaster of emotions.

人就喜欢和和别人比，这样自我感觉才能良好（“我有新车喽！”）。但难免会碰到自己比不过的人（“靠，比尔买的车比我的好看！”），自我评价就没有那么高了。如果总是和别人比来比去，外界环境就决定了你的感受，情绪才会起伏不定。

A more useful way is to compare yourself to yourself. To look at how far you have come, what you have accomplished and how you have grown. It may not sound like that much fun but in the long run it brings a lot more inner stillness, personal power and positive feelings.

更好的办法是和自身作比较，才看得见个人的进步与成绩。这么做看上去没什么意思，但坚持下去就能会让自己心境平和，有助提升个人能力，保持积极心态。

13. 80-90% of what you fear will happen never really come into reality.

13. 你担心害怕的事情，十之八九不会成真。

This is a big one. Most things you fear will happen never happen. They are just monsters in your own mind. And if they happen then they will most often not be as painful or bad as you expected. Worrying is most often just a waste of time.

你担心的事大多不会成为现实，恐惧不过是你的心魔罢了。即便真的发生了，也不会有你想象的那么痛苦不堪。无谓的忧虑无非是在浪费时间。

This is of course easy to say. But if you remind yourself of how little of what you feared throughout your life that has actually happened you can start to release more and more of that worry from your thoughts.

确实，这话说起来很容易，可你如果好好回想一下，过去所担心的事又有多少真的发生了呢，别再杞人忧天了。

14. Don’t take things too seriously.

14. 凡事别太较真

It’s very easy to get wrapped up in things. But most of the things you worry about never come into reality. And what may seem like a big problem right now you may not even remember in three years.

人总是容易因为小事牵扯过多的精力，而实际上不过是杞人忧天而已。现在你认为至关重要的大事在几年后都成了浮云。

Taking yourself, your thoughts and your emotions too seriously often just seems to lead to more unnecessary suffering. So relax a little more and lighten up a bit. It can do wonders for your mood and as an extension of that; your life.

情绪、想法这类事如果太较真的话，就会个自己带来不必要的烦恼和痛苦。如果能放轻松一点，凡事别太较真，人的心境就会大有不同，生活自然也会随之改变。

15. Write everything down.

15. 好记性不如烂笔头

If your memory is anything like mine then it’s like a leaking bucket. Many of your good or great ideas may be lost forever if you don’t make a habit of writing things down. This is also a good way to keep your focus on what you want. Read more about it in Why You Should Write Things Down.

希望你的记性千万不要和我一样，像个大漏勺。如果没有养成随时记录的好习惯，很多好想法可能就永远地“遗失”了。这个习惯还能使人专注于要做的事，详情请看：《我们为什么要记录》。

16. There are opportunities in just about every experience.

16. 凡事皆有机遇

In pretty much any experience there are always things that you can learn from it and things within the experience that can help you to grow. Negative experiences, mistakes and failure can sometimes be even better than a success because it teaches you something totally new, something that another success could never teach you.

可以这么说，凡事我们都可以从中得到启发，帮助自己成长。有时挫败甚至比胜利更有价值，因为失败中往往蕴含着全新的东东，而仅仅从胜利中是无法得到的。

Whenever you have a “negative experience” ask yourself: where is the opportunity in this? What is good about this situation? One negative experience can – with time – help you create many very positive experiences.

遭受挫败时，问下自己：能不能从中觅得机遇？能不能得到什么启发？真正读懂一次失败渐渐可以带来多次胜利。

What do you wish someone had told you in school or you had just learned earlier in life?

你又有什么道理是恨不能早点知道的呢？

添加新评论

相关文章：

  关于常识心理学，你知道些什么？

  如何进行有效的交流与沟通

  纽约时报：中国学校胜出了吗？

  科学是否支持“虎妈”的惩罚式教养？

  写诗疗伤法