译者 金蝉s
By Steven Aitchison
作者：Steven Aitchison
How often have you asked your kids 'How was school today?' and the reply was 'it was okay!' and that's it. My youngest son just started high school today and my wife and I have been nervous and anxious for him, although we've been careful not to show him this. I took a day off work so I could spend a little longer with him when dropping him off for school and then to pick him up again. It was heartbreaking to watch him go into school, 'He's all grown up.' I thought with a little lump in my throat, It's like time is slipping by and before we know it he'll be a grown man.
你会多久问一次你的孩子“今天学校生活如何？”然后会得到“还行”诸如此类的回答。我最小的儿子今天刚刚开始自己的高中生活，尽管我们并未在他面前表现出过多的忧虑，我和我的妻子对他的生活还是有点紧张和焦虑的。我请了一天假，这样当他从学校回来的时候我就有更多的时间相处，而且还能接他放学回家。看到他走进校园的时候，我还是有点心酸的，“他已经长大了”。我忍不住喉头发紧，当我们认识到他长大成人之前，时间就这么悄悄的流逝了。
Well, when I went to pick him up, I was all excited and asked:
于是，当我接到他的是偶，我激动兴奋的问他：
'Well, how did it go?'
“那么，今天过的怎么样？”
'It was okay' he said smiling, knowing I wanted to hear all about it. I eventually got some blood from the stone and he told me about it in dribs and drabs, however he seemed to enjoy it and has made a few friends already which is always good.
他微笑地说着“还好啊”，他知道我想知道他今天在学校过的怎么样。最终我从孩子们的冷漠当中得到了真情，他告诉我了关于学校生活的点点滴滴，他似乎喜欢这的生活，而且在里面认识几个朋友也是很好的。
My other son, who is in his 3rd year at high school is exactly the same and sometimes I can't even get blood from that stone. I advised them that we have spent weeks worrying and feeling anxious for them and all we ask in return is a little information about their day at school. So I advise them to give a little more and not have my wife beat the hell out of them just to get a little info. My wife duly comes home, practically running in to see how they got on at school and thankfully they were a little more open.
我另外一个儿子已经高中三年级了，情况有时差不多，不过有时我根本不能从他冰冷的态度当中得到更多。我告诉他们父母几个星期担心和忧虑你们，只是想知道你在学校里究竟过的还好不。所以我告诉他们跟我们谈谈更多有关自己学校生活的事情，而不只是只有他们的妈妈大吼大叫的时候才不得不说。感谢当我的孩子们乐于跟我们谈论学校生活的时候，我的妻子才算真正的回家了。
I guess it's just boys being boys, I remember being exactly the same and always wondered why my mum was so interested in my school activities. My niece, on the other hand, talks at 100 miles per hour and talks for hours.
我想男孩子就是这样，我能回忆起类似的情景，那时候我就非常奇怪为什么我妈妈对我学校的生活这么感兴趣。另一个方面来说，我的侄女常常驱车几百英里，同父母们唠上几个小时
Here's a few tips I have learned over the years about communicating with children:
下面是我这些年当中学到的与子女们沟通的一些小敲门：
1. Always be interested in their day, even if they don't want to tell you anything.
1.总是对他们的生活充满兴趣，尽管他们不想跟你说任何事
2. Pay attention to them and make them feel as if they are the only person in the room when they speak to you.
2、关注他们，但他们跟你谈话的时候，让他们知道房子里只有你们两个。
3. Make time to sit down with them in a relaxed manner to allow them to open up more.
3.找个时间坐下来放松下来，让他们有个跟宽松的环境。
4. Sit down for family meals (One of the best decisions we made was to always make it a rule to all sit round the dinner table together).
4.坐下来跟家人一起吃饭。（我们做的最好的决定就是全家人一起围着圆桌吃饭）
5. Keep eye contact to show you are listening.
5.保持眼神的交流，显示你正在倾听
6. Don't dismiss the little things they tell you about.
6.对他们告诉你的一些小事也不要忽视
7. Keep close to them when they are talking, don't have a conversation whilst you are in the kitchen and they are in their room.
谈话的时候跟他们靠近些，别在厨房或者他们的卧室谈话
8. Show them you love them and always tell them you love them.
8.告诉他们你爱他们，并且总是让他们知道这一点
9. Tell them you believe in them often.
9.告诉他们你相信他们
10. Children are not your friends and letting them off with the small things could lead to bigger problems in the future.
10.孩子不是你的朋友，如果放任他们的小失误的话可能导致未来的大麻烦。
11. Always listen to their side of the story if there are any arguments or rows going on.
11.如果与他们有了争吵，总是倾听他们的看法
12. Praise them with every single thing they do well.
12.当他们做的很好的时候予以鼓励
13. Be as open and honest as possible with them about EVERYTHING.
13.与他们开放和坦诚任何事情
14. If you have more than 1 child make time so you can spend time alone together, even if it's driving to the shops.
14.如果你不止一个孩子的时候，找时间与他们单独在一起，哪怕是开车去商店的路上也行
15. Read between the lines. Kids have a way of telling you something without directly telling you.
15.学会理解孩子们的话，有时候，孩子们可能不会采取直接的方式告诉你某些事情
16. Don't interrupt children when they are trying to tell you something.
16.当他们试图跟你谈话的时候，不要试图打断他们
17. Ask their opinion on something that's important to you and them.
17.对于家庭有重大影响的事务征求他们的意见
18. Tell them about your day and encourage discussion.
18.告诉他们关于你每天的生活，并鼓励他们的看法
19. Give them a hug at least 200 times per day:)
19.每天至少200次拥抱
20. Always say please and thank you when speaking to your kids, they will develop manners this way.
20.跟你的孩子共事的时候总是礼貌用语，这有助于养成他们良好的品德
21. Encourage them to voice their opinion on the big family decisions, like buying a house, a car etc.
21.在买房买车这种家庭重大决定当中鼓励他们表达自己的看法
22. Tell them stories of when you were younger, kids always want to hear this.
22.告诉他们你儿童时代的故事，孩子们总是喜欢听这些
23. Play games with them as much as possible.
23.尽可能多与孩子们玩
24. Step into their world for a bit and get to learn what they like.
24.走进他们的世界，了解他们的喜好
25. Become a child for a day and just have a toy fight, pillow fight, wrestle, and do the silly things that kids do.
25.找个日子重新回到儿童时代，玩具大战、枕头大战，与孩子们扭打在一起，做一些孩子们会做的傻事
26. Respect their privacy, always knock.
26.尊重孩子的隐私，总是敲门
27. Give them unexpected presents.
27.给他们惊喜的礼物
28. Let let go up the down escalator
28.去座滑梯
29. Let them have their own style and find it themselves.
29.培养他们的个性，帮助他们认识自我
30. be proud of them,even when they didn't quite make but tried their best.
30.以他们为骄傲，尽管当他们努力之后还是失败了仍然如此
31. Just hold them, that little bit longer than you normally would.
31.紧紧的拥抱他们，要比通常的拥抱时间要长一点
32. Let them find their own hobbies and encourage them in finding them.
32.帮助他们发现自己的爱好，鼓励他们发现自己
33. Stand back to let them them make their own mistakes, they'll grow a lot quicker.
33.原谅他们已经认识到的错误，他们会成长的很快
34.Take them to where you grew up and tell them about it.
34.带他们到你成长的地方，告诉他们你成长的故事
35. Forgive them as they forgive you.
35.原谅他们就像他们原谅你那样
36. Don't make them wear a jacket if they don't want to even when it's raining.
36.哪怕是下雨，如果他们不想穿雨衣，也不要给他们穿上难看的夹克
37. Just love them for the little individuals they are, just love them!
37.深沉地爱他们，就是爱他们
Is there anything else you would add to this list, why not leave a comment below.
如果你还有什么其他的好的与孩子沟通的技巧，那么为什么不分享在下面的评论当中呢？
Steven Aitchison is the author of 4 books, and also authors the UKs no1 Personal Development blog Change Your Thoughts. You can sign up to to his blog and receive 3 free ebooks. Sign up now at Change Your Thoughts.
