译者 ediver
You've lived through 2 AM feedings, toddler temper tantrums, and the back-to-school blues. So why is the word "teenager" causing you so much anxiety?
你终于熬过了那些凌晨两点起床喂奶的日子，挨过了孩子幼时乱发脾气的阶段，那些假期后不肯重回学校的挣扎你也见识过了，所以，为什么一提起“十几岁的孩子”这个词，你还会如此大伤脑筋呢？
When you consider that the teen years are a period of intense growth, not only physically but morally and intellectually, it's understandable that it's a time of confusion and upheaval for many families.
十几岁这个年纪正是孩子在身体、品德和智力等各方面快速成长的阶段，难怪很多家庭在这个时期都会感到动荡不安，手足所措。
Despite some adults' negative perceptions about teens, they are often energetic, thoughtful, and idealistic, with a deep interest in what's fair and right. So, although it can be a period of conflict between parent and child, the teen years are also a time to help kids grow into the distinct individuals they will become.
虽然有些成年人一想到十几岁的孩子就头疼，不过这个年纪的孩子通常精力旺盛，喜欢思考，充满理想，热于探索公平和正义的内涵。虽然孩子在十几岁这个年纪可能会跟父母发生冲突，但这也是把孩子塑造成未来独立个体的关键时期。
Understanding the Teen Years
了解十几岁这个年纪
So when, exactly, does adolescence start? The message to send your kid is: Everybody's different. There are early bloomers, late arrivers, speedy developers, and slow-but-steady growers. In other words, there's a wide range of what's considered normal.
那么，青春期到底是从什么时候开始的呢？你应该告诉你的孩子：每个人都不一样。有的人早，有的人晚，有的人变化很快，有的人慢慢成熟。换句话说，因人而异，都属正常。
But it's important to make a (somewhat artificial) distinction between puberty and adolescence. Most of us think of puberty as the development of adult sexual characteristics: breasts, menstrual periods, pubic hair, and facial hair. These are certainly the most visible signs of puberty and impending adulthood, but kids who are showing physical changes (between the ages of 8 and 14 or so) also can be going through a bunch of changes that aren't readily seen from the outside. These are the changes of adolescence.
不过，在发育期和青春期之间（多少有些人为地）划出界限很有必要。大多数人把发育期跟成年性征的发育联系在一起：胸部、月经、阴毛、胡子等。这些都是最明显的发育期的标志，显示着即将到来的成人阶段，但是出现这些生理变化的孩子（8到14岁左右）也可能会经历一系列外表上看不出来的变化，这些就属于青春期的范畴。
Many kids announce the onset of adolescence with a dramatic change in behavior around their parents. They're starting to separate from Mom and Dad and to become more independent. At the same time, kids this age are increasingly aware of how others, especially their peers, see them and are desperately trying to fit in. Their peers often become much more important, as compared with their parents, in terms of making decisions.
很多孩子进入青春期，首先会在对待父母的态度上出现巨大变化。他们开始疏远爸爸妈妈，表现得更加独立。与此同时，这个年纪的孩子越来越在乎其他人，特别是他们的同伴对他们的看法，并且会竭尽全力地跟大伙儿合群。在作任何决定时，同伴的意见也会比父母的更重要。
Kids often start "trying on" different looks and identities, and they become very aware of how they differ from their peers, which can result in episodes of distress and conflict with parents.
这个阶段的孩子开始经常“尝试”各种不同的打扮和造型，他们对于自己跟同伴的差异非常敏感，因此会感到苦恼，也会跟父母发生冲突。
Butting Heads
顶撞
One of the common stereotypes of adolescence is the rebellious, wild teen continually at odds with Mom and Dad. Although it may be the case for some kids and this is a time of emotional ups and downs, that stereotype certainly is not representative of most teens.
有一种对青春期孩子的成见，认为他们充满叛逆，狂躁不安，总是跟爸爸妈妈发生争执。虽然有些孩子是这样，而且这的确是一个充满起起伏伏情绪的时期，但这种成见决不代表大多数十几岁的孩子。
But the primary goal of the teen years is to achieve independence. For this to occur, teens will start pulling away from their parents — especially the parent whom they're the closest to. This can come across as teens always seeming to have different opinions than their parents or not wanting to be around their parents in the same way they used to.
不过，十几岁这个年龄的首要目标就是要争取独立。要实现这一点，十几岁的孩子就得脱离父母，特别是他们最亲近的那一方。这或者会表现为孩子跟父母的意见总是相左，或者会表现为孩子不愿意象过去那样跟父母相处。
As teens mature, they start to think more abstractly and rationally. They're forming their moral code. And parents of teens may find that kids who previously had been willing to conform to please them will suddenly begin asserting themselves — and their opinions — strongly and rebelling against parental control.
随着十几岁的孩子慢慢成熟，他们开始抽象、理性地思维，并会形成自己的道德标准。做父母的会发现，那些原本很听话的孩子，会突然开始强烈地表现自己，坚持己见，反对父母的管制。
You may need to look closely at how much room you give your teen to be an individual and ask yourself questions such as: "Am I a controlling parent?," "Do I listen to my child?," and "Do I allow my child's opinions and tastes to differ from my own?"
这时你也许应该认真反省一下，你给自己十几岁的孩子多大空间做他自己。你需要问自己：“我是不是个控制欲很强的家长？”“我是否倾听孩子的意见？”“我是否允许孩子的意见和品味跟我的不一样？”
Tips for Parenting During the Teen Years
如何养育十几岁的孩子
Looking for a roadmap to find your way through these years? Here are some tips:
你是否需要一张指路图来帮助你度过孩子十几岁的这个阶段？下面是一些窍门：
Educate Yourself
自我学习
Read books about teenagers. Think back on your own teen years. Remember your struggles with acne or your embarrassment at developing early — or late. Expect some mood changes in your typically sunny child, and be prepared for more conflict as he or she matures as an individual. Parents who know what's coming can cope with it better. And the more you know, the better you can prepare.
多读些关于十几岁孩子的书籍。回想一下你自己十几岁时的情形，想想你是如何跟青春痘叫劲的，你是否曾经因为发育过早或过晚而感到难为情。提前在心里做好准备，你那通常很快乐的孩子可能会经历一些情绪波动，孩子在长大成人的过程中可能会跟你发生冲突。如果家长事先知道可能会出现什么情况，他们就能更好地应对。你知道的越多，你的准备也会越充分。
Talk to Your Child Early Enough
提早跟孩子沟通
Talking about menstruation or wet dreams after they've already started means you're too late. Answer the early questions kids have about bodies, such as the differences between boys and girls and where babies come from. But don't overload them with information — just answer their questions. If you don’t know the answers, help them find someone who does, like a trusted friend or your pediatrician.
如果你的孩子已经来了月经或者出现了梦遗，你再跟他们谈就晚了。不要回避孩子早期提出的有关身体的问题，比如男孩和女孩的区别啦，婴儿是从哪儿来的啦等等。你不需要给他们太多细节，只回答他们的问题就好。如果你不知道答案，你可以帮他们找个知道的人来解答，比如一个你信得过的朋友或者你的儿科医生。
You know your kids. You can hear when your child's starting to tell jokes about sex or when attention to personal appearance is increasing. This is a good time to jump in with your own questions such as:
你最了解你的孩子，如果你发现孩子开始讲性笑话了，或者对自己的外表越来越关注，这时你应该抓住机会，问些诸如以下的问题：
•Are you noticing any changes in your body?
• 你的身体有什么变化吗？
•Are you having any strange feelings?
• 你有没有一些奇怪的感觉？
•Are you sad sometimes and don't know why?
• 你会不会有时候莫名其妙地不高兴？
A yearly physical exam is a great time to bring up these things. A doctor can tell your preadolescent — and you — what to expect in the next few years. An exam can serve as a jumping-off point for a good parent/child discussion. The later you wait to have this discussion, the more likely your child will be to form misconceptions or become embarrassed about or afraid of physical and emotional changes.
每年的体检是讨论这些问题的最佳时机。医生可以告诉你尚未进入青春期的孩子，还有你本人，接下来的几年里会发生什么情况。考试也可以成为一个很好的契机，让父母跟孩子之间展开有益的交谈。你把这类谈话推迟得越久，你的孩子越可能形成一些错误的想法，或者对于身体和情绪的变化感觉难为情甚至恐惧。
Furthermore, the earlier you open the lines of communication, the better chance you have of keeping them open through the teen years. Give your child books on puberty written for kids going through it. Share memories of your own adolescence. There's nothing like knowing that Mom or Dad went through it, too, to put a child more at ease.
更重要的是，你越早进行开诚布公的交谈，你越有可能在孩子整个十几岁的成长期间都保持畅通的沟通渠道。让你的孩子阅读一些专为发育期孩子写的书，讲讲你自己青春期的记忆。如果孩子知道爸爸妈妈也曾经有过同样的经历，他们会轻松许多的。
Put Yourself in Your Child's Place
站在孩子的立场上
Practice empathy by helping your child understand that it's normal to be a bit concerned or self-conscious, and that it's OK to feel grown-up one minute and like a kid the next.
设身处地地让孩子明白，所有的担心和害羞都再正常不过，一会儿觉得自己是大人、一会儿又觉得自己是孩子也没有关系。
Pick Your Battles
有选择的严厉
If teenagers want to dye their hair, paint their fingernails black, or wear funky clothes, think twice before you object. Teens want to shock their parents and it's a lot better to let them do something temporary and harmless; leave the objections to things that really matter, like tobacco, drugs and alcohol, or permanent changes to their appearance.
如果十几岁的孩子想要染发，把指甲涂黑，或者穿些稀奇古怪的衣服，不要立刻表示反对。十几岁的孩子最喜欢吓到他们的父母，所以不妨让他们在一些无伤大雅的小事上暂时随意，而把你的反对留给那些真正要紧的事，比如抽烟、吸毒、喝酒、或者永久性的整容。
Ask why your teen wants to dress or look a certain way and try to understand how your teen is feeling. You might also want to discuss how others might perceive them if they look different — help your teen understand how he or she might be viewed.
问问你的孩子，为什么一定要穿着打扮成那个样子，努力去理解孩子的想法。你也可以跟孩子讨论一下别人会如何看待这种标新立异，让你的孩子明白别人可能产生的想法。
Set Expectations
设立明确要求
Teens will likely act unhappy with expectations their parents place on them. However, they usually understand and need to know that their parents care enough about them to expect certain things such as good grades, acceptable behavior, and adherence to the rules of the house. If parents have appropriate expectations, teens will likely try to meet them. Without reasonable expectations, your teen may feel you don't care about him or her.
父母对十几岁的孩子提出要求时，他们一般都会表现得不太高兴。不过，孩子通常都明白，他们也必须了解，父母是因为爱他们，才会对他们有所期望的，比如学习成绩优良、行为不越轨、遵守家里的规矩等。如果家长的要求适度，孩子一般都会努力奉行的。如果你对孩子没有合理的要求，你的孩子也许会认为你对他不在乎。
Inform Your Teen - and Stay Informed Yourself
告知孩子，也告知自己
The teen years often are a time of experimentation, and sometimes that experimentation includes risky behaviors. Don't avoid the subjects of sex, or drug, alcohol, and tobacco use; discussing these things openly with kids before they're exposed to them increases the chance that they'll act responsibly when the time comes. Share your family values with your teen and talk about what you believe is right and wrong.
十几岁的孩子喜欢尝试新鲜，有时这样的尝试也会涉及危险的行为。不要回避性、毒品、酗酒、抽烟这类话题，在孩子接触到这些事情以前就跟他们开诚布公地交谈，这样当孩子当真遇到这类情况时，他们就更有可能采取负责任的行动。跟你的孩子分享家庭价值观，告诉他你是如何判断对错的。
Know your child's friends — and know their friends' parents. Regular communication between parents can go a long way toward creating a safe environment for all teens in a peer group. Parents can help each other keep track of the kids' activities without making the kids feel that they're being watched.
了解你的孩子都跟谁交朋友，并去认识他们的父母。家长之间经常保持沟通，可以为所有在一起玩的孩子创造一个安全的环境。家长可以帮助彼此跟踪孩子的动态，而不会让孩子感觉他们受到监视。
Know the Warning Signs
认识警告信号
A certain amount of change may be normal during the teen years, but too drastic or long-lasting a switch in personality or behavior may signal real trouble — the kind that needs professional help. Watch for one or more of these warning signs:
十几岁的孩子发生一些变化是非常正常的，不过如果孩子在个性或行为上出现巨大或持久的转变，这也许意味着孩子有麻烦，需要专业的帮助。你需要留心下面的警告信号：
•extreme weight gain or loss
• 体重过度增加或减少
•sleep problems
• 睡眠出现问题
•rapid, drastic changes in personality
• 个性出现急剧、彻底的变化
•sudden change in friends
• 突然变换朋友
•skipping school continually
• 连续逃课
•falling grades
• 成绩滑坡
•talk or even jokes about suicide
• 谈论甚至拿自杀开玩笑
•signs of tobacco, alcohol, or drug use
• 出现抽烟、喝酒或者吸毒的征兆
•run-ins with the law
• 犯法
Any other inappropriate behavior that lasts for more than 6 weeks can be a sign of underlying trouble, too. You may expect a glitch or two in your teen's behavior or grades during this time, but your A/B student shouldn't suddenly be failing, and your normally outgoing kid shouldn't suddenly become constantly withdrawn. Your doctor or a local counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist can help you find proper counseling.
如果孩子出现任何其它不当行为长达六个星期以上，也应该被视作潜在问题的前兆。十几岁的孩子，行为也许会出现一两次闪失，成绩偶尔也会波动，但是一个成绩一直优良的孩子不应该突然间不及格，一个通常很外向的孩子也不应该突然变得沉默寡言。你的医生、学校的指导老师、心理学家或者精神医师都可以为你提供咨询。
Respect Kids' Privacy
尊重孩子的隐私
Some parents, understandably, have a very hard time with this one. They may feel that anything their kids do is their business. But to help your teen become a young adult, you'll need to grant some privacy. If you notice warning signs of trouble, then you can invade your child's privacy until you get to the heart of the problem. But otherwise, it's a good idea to back off.
可以理解，有些家长要做到这一条不太容易，他们可能觉得任何孩子的事都是他们的事。不过要帮助你的孩子长大成人，你必须学会给他一些隐私空间。如果你注意到一些警告信号，你当然可以侵犯孩子的隐私直到查出问题的症结。不然的话，最好还是保持一点距离。
In other words, your teenager's room, texts, e-mails, and phone calls should be private. You also shouldn't expect your teen to share all thoughts or activities with you at all times. Of course, for safety reasons, you should always know where teens are going, when they'll be returning, what they're doing, and with whom, but you don't need to know every detail. And you definitely shouldn't expect to be invited along!
也就是说，你十几岁孩子的房间、短信、邮件和电话都属于他的隐私。你不应该指望你的孩子随时把他所想所做的一切都告诉你。当然，出于安全的考量，你应该知道你十几岁的孩子去了哪里，什么时候回来，都干些什么，跟什么人在一起，但是你不需要知道每一个细节，更不要指望被邀请一起去！
Start with trust. Let your teen know that you trust him or her. But, if the trust gets broken he or she may enjoy fewer freedoms until the trust is rebuilt.
要有信任，让你十几岁的孩子知道你信任他，但是如果他辜负了你的信任，他的自由就要减少，直到你可以重新信任他。
Monitor What Kids See and Read
了解孩子看些什么，读些什么
TV shows, magazines and books, the Internet — kids have access to tons of information. Be aware of what yours watch and read. Don't be afraid to set limits on the amount of time spent in front of the computer or the TV. Know what they're learning from the media and who they may be communicating with online.
电视节目、杂志书箱、互联网——孩子接触着大量的信息。你需要了解你的孩子都在看些什么，读些什么。不要不敢规定他们玩电脑或看电视的时间。你需要知道他们从媒体上都学到些什么，他们在网上都跟谁联络。
Teens shouldn't have unlimited access to TV or the Internet in private — these should be public activities. Access to technology should also be limited after certain hours (say 10 PM or so) to encourage adequate sleep. It's not unreasonable to have cell phones and computers off limits after a certain time.
十几岁的孩子私下里看电视或上网的机会不能太多，这些都应该是公开的活动。超过了某个时间（比如晚上十点左右），孩子的这类活动就应该受到限制，以确保足够的睡眠。过了某个时间以后不让孩子用手机或电脑，这样的要求并不是不合理。
Make Appropriate Rules
制订适当的规则
Bedtime for a teenager should be age appropriate, just as it was when your child was a baby. Teens still need about 8-9 hours of sleep. Reward your teen for being trustworthy. Does your child keep to a 10 PM curfew on weekends? Move it to 10:30 PM. And does a teen always have to go along on family outings? Encourage a reasonable amount of family time together.
对十几岁的孩子来说，上床睡觉的时间应该根据年龄而调整，就象婴儿时期一样。十几岁的孩子依然需要8到9小时的睡眠。如果你的孩子值得信赖，你可以予以奖励。比如，你的孩子在周末是不是也遵守晚上十点上床睡觉的规定？告诉他可以推后到十点半。你是否要求你的孩子一定要参加全家出游？你应该提倡家人多花些时间在一起。
Decide what your expectations are, and don't be insulted when your growing child doesn't always want to be with you. Think back: You probably felt the same way about your mom and dad.
你需要确定你的期望值是什么，即使你的孩子不想总跟你在一起也不要感觉受伤。回头想想：你小时候对爸爸妈妈可能也是同样的看法哟。
Will This Ever Be Over?
这一切有没有尽头？
As kids progress through the teen years, you'll notice a slowing of the highs and lows of adolescence. And, eventually, they'll become independent, responsible, communicative young adults.
随着十几岁的孩子慢慢长大，你会发现，那些青春期的起起伏伏不再那么频繁出现了。最终，你的孩子会成为独立、负责、可以沟通的年轻人。
So remember the motto of many parents with teens: We're going through this together, and we'll come out of it — together!
所以不要忘了很多有十几岁孩子的父母的座右铭：我们一起经历这一切，我们也会一起结束这一切。
